who would have thought i will receive a flower today....from my brother, nonetheless. throughout my life, i can only remember one other moment like this and that was 26 years ago.

life is so full of irony. i woke up today morning and decided that at age 40, i should be considering putting on makeup on a daily basis. doesn't really matter if all i do everyday is transit from one four-walled room to another four-walled room, hardly seeing another living thing on the way. it's just another part of growing older. little did i know that i will indeed be meeting many new faces today and little did i know that i will be removing my my makeup in the hospital tonight.

it has become such a routine that i scamper inside this intangible space to let out the steam of frustration threatening to explode inside the pressure pot that is my life, to lick my wounds and bandage it up in darkness so that i am once again ready to face the world, with a smile on my face and a wiggle in my walk. it is becoming harder as i age to maintain that youthful optimism and pensive depression catches me once in a while when i'm unaware. now being happy and staying happy is something that you actually have to work hard at. perhaps it's the decreasing serotonin in the body, perhaps life has become more complicated.

however, for this blog to be a physical reminder of my days passed, i don't want it to contain just the sad times, the angry moments, the unhappy ones. to read through it one will think that my life holds only despondent days. how bleak that will be. i have to remind myself to write about the good times too, the ones that make me glow with warmth, or what resembles that despite the aloofness that is seizing my mind.