mind decaying part of life

oh my god. i'm going out of my mind with boredom. i have just completed the two biggest projects of my life and am suffering from post-project mind-decaying tedium. bringing up my two children have been the biggest accomplishment of my life and now that they are both in Uni and i have my life back, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, i have no direction and no goals. true, one never stops being a mother no matter how old your children are, but at a certain stage you have to let go of the apron strings and let them fend for themselves a little bit, and not hover around like an air-borne drone. the span of 20 years passed in the blink of an eye, when you look back retrospectively of course. and i am proud my children grew up alright, but along the way i have forgotten many things. i have forgotten how to eat slowly and chew my meals well. i have forgotten what i like and dislike. i have forgotten to stay hydrated regularly. i have forgotten how to put myself first and i have forgotten to look after myself. i have no goals that i want to strive towards, nothing that i specifically want to do, or see, or eat. everything have always played a second fiddle to the needs and wants of others. perhaps i have always been so decision-less. i now have too much time on my hands, which i will unhealthily spend working for lack of a better distraction. i spends my days doing a little of this, a little of that, and when i look back, i have not done anything worthwhile.

at 48 i have to start questioning myself once again; what do i want, what do i like. but i really can't think of anything. maybe it's just a bad day. maybe it's just hormones wrecking my mind.

hiding from the apocalypse

you know what the world needs right now? love, simple and pure. and with that comes tolerance and acceptance. you don't have to understand them, you don't have to agree with them, but if you love them, for no other reason than that they are a fellow human being, with families, lives and stories of their own, you will just accept them as they are.

the whole world is in chaos at the moment. you turn on the news and you see rioters and protestors everywhere, in all corners of the world. not just disgruntled people coming together to make their voice heard but wilful violence toward innocent bystanders, toward public properties. whilst they scream for their rights to be heard, they batter those who voice disparate views. whilst they fight for freedom that they claim they don't have, they are freely roaming the streets creating fear, chaos and economic turmoil everywhere. in the place i call my second home. i am sad.

in another corner of the world, people are fighting others because they are of different colour, different religion, different race, different beliefs. but isn't that what the world is all about, what makes everything works better...because we are all different? we are not an army of AI, all identical without a single different or original thought. why should we demand that others be the same, think the same and act the same? what causes such prejudice to blind our eyes and our hearts to fairness, to love and to righteousness? it is not an area that is grey, it is not a matter that is controversial or arguable, it is as simple as ABC: it is never right to kill another innocent to make yourself be heard, it is never correct to harm someone because they are different or because they don't agree. shouldn't it be the very basis of your logic, of your character? not even for greed, which is an evil trait in itself but understandable because it forms the very basis of  development and advancement, but for self-delusional greater good. why can't they see that they are fighting for the right thing, but in the wrong way?

it is scary because these young minds, this generation of our future population, our future leaders and our future hope, is growing up with hatred in their heart, and in their mind, and believes with every fibre of their being that their actions are fully justified. monkey see, monkey do. and others follow. they create an era where violent protesting is 'acceptable', disrupting the lives of others is totally fine because they are fighting for the 'greater good' and for the 'future' and sacrifices are unavoidable. they lose all logic, all human decency, all moral compass, and are deaf to all reasoning, almost as if an invisible germ filled with hatred and anger has infected them all.

some may wonder...what has little me been up to all this while?....why the silence.....why the hibernation? little ms me has been burying her head under the blanket, willing for the world to return to sanity, waiting for the zombie hatred apocalypse to be over. and in the blue-moon chance that little ms me does go out, she tries to change the hatred and anger in the world by a big sincere smile, one person at a time.