escort service

i don’t know when.

i don’t know how.

i seem to have picked up a part-time job recently. a niche post actually. something that you will never see in the classifieds, yet there appears to be a genuine demand for the service.

actually, my official title is ‘hospital escort’. yes, that’s what I do. i accompany people to the hospital for their visits to the doctors. old or young, men or women. open heart surgery or a simply haermorrhoid consultation. no job is too small for me.

my job scope?

i put on pretty clothes, hoping that the doctor will notice and let us jump queue in an effort to save my client some time.

i ask questions that appear intelligent and medically-based to make us all look good. perhaps some of these questions may have no relevance to the medical condition of my client, but someone has to make the small talk, right?

i do all the hard work and running around; collecting medicine, taking note of the dosage instructions, paying bills (of course i will have to be reimbursed for this, otherwise why else will i be performing the service?) and the flirting with handsome doctors.

i simplify the instructions on the rather complicated medicine sticker and re-write them in simple monosyllable for you; in whichever language you are proficient.

i provide amusing conversations to pass the time whilst waiting for the doctor, just incase i have failed to attract the attention of the gay doctor.

i provide personal reminders for the next appointment, which also translates into my next service charge.

sounds like a very simple job? there is more than meets the eye, mind you. i was pricked by the *&%$ing needle once, attempting to be doctor’s assistant after which i have made a mental note not to dress too sexily infront of the doctor again, lest he is unable to perform his function satisfactorily.

then there is the endless 'thumb-twiddling' wait and the endurance of stomach-growling hunger pangs through lunch hour.

most important, there is also the client factor. presently i have a hypochondriac patient as part of my clientele. someone who imagines that she is inflicted with all kinds of discomfort and will not rest until she visits the doctor and is given medication of one kind or another. a typical visit will go like this:

she: doctor ah, i feel pain here woh.

doc: here ah? oh, small pain never mind.

she: very painful woh. until cannot eat lah.

*slap* the doctor slaps me with a bill for medication.

she: my legs also feel very weak wor.

*slap* *slap* another bill.

she: and i cannot sleep at night. can give me some sleeping pills ah?

*slap* *slap* *slap*

i don’t quite mind, after all i am reimbursed for whatever bills i am slapped with, remember? however, i can hear the distant cries of someone’s wallet, screaming for help. still, how do you tell your client that it is all in her mind? so, i keep my mouth nicely zipped up and pocket my escort fees.

business seems to be a little quiet these days. anybody needs a hospital escort?

by the way, i charge by the hour. and there is no hanky-panky with the hired help.