whilst i am celebrating life, someone, somewhere, is staring death in the face.
whilst i am in the middle of merry-making, surrounded by people who love me, someone is suffering by herself in a land far from those she yearns to see.
should i temper my happiness, in recognition of the sorrow that she feels? or should i work harder at living my life to make up for her loss? when i have fun, should i dismiss the unhappy thoughts so that i can immerse myself fully in the joy? or should i remind myself that there is someone out there who is tipping the downside on the scales, to make up for my upside?
i thought i wanted to spend my birthday holding a glass of red wine, with a piece of delicious steak in front of me. now i am not too sure, it seems a little excessive.
if happiness is of a finite amount in this world and there is a quota as to how much happiness can go around, perhaps if i take a little less, someone may be able to receive a trickle more. A naïve thought perhaps but somehow, having a feast on my birthday doesn't feel quite right anymore.
yet, if you ask me to give up a little of the happiness i have now so that others in return can be happy, i don't think i can. if i lose the things that matter to me now, it will break my heart and soul.
so, what can i do?
all that comes to mind is exchanging my plate of steak for a plate of vegetables. if i liken my steak to a life of opulence, then my vegan diet on my birthday should serve as a reminder to keep things simple, to always leave some for others and to appreciate everything and everybody as it comes....everyday.
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12 comments:
aiyah!! you think and ponder too much! just go out and enjoy! live and be happy for the day.
dear lm: you are faster than the speeding bullet. that has always been my problem - thinking too much. that's why i bought a book called 'how i became stupid', which wasn't much help really but that fella shared the problem along the same line as me. wasn't a very nice book though.
There is no such thing to pass some of your joy to others whom is suffering now. Just enjoy your life as much as you can.
Just treasure what you have & be thankful for them :)Even if there is world peace, there will always be sadness around us, that's life.
enjoy all the blessings, don't feel guilty about it because I believe that you would've done some good, somewhere to deserve the happiness you have right now. :)
why you always lidat wan? got chance to be happy that time, you must go and screw it up for yourself by starting to think unneccsary things that you got no control over, feeling guilty over things that you are not guilty of. lidat when oni you can be happy leh? my dear lenglui.
dear why, imd and may: i understand what you guys are saying but .....sigh!
dear ah pek: good question leh, ah pek. but i cannot control how my brain wants to think mah. of course i know i cannot share my happiness, but i feel guilty nonetheless. macam mana? short of lobotomy, i cannot do anything to my idiotic brain. you are what you are? i can pretend not to think liddat, but i cannot change how my brain functions, can i? but nevermind, it will all pass soon enough.
she would've wanted u to live ur life to the fullest so just live!
Go eat what you want. You deserve to spoil yourself. You earn it!
Seriously, lenglui..I think you need to take up meditation to learn calm your wandering mind. Let me know if you need some contacts.
dear wuching: i think you are right....
dear cocka: meditation? :-) no, i don't think about things like this 24/7 and i'm not particularly depressed. but when you are told that a close relative, who is fighting the grasp of death, called and cried over the phone....it's just difficult to pretend it doesn't affect you at all. and since you are reading my blog, which is privy to my innermost thoughts, you get access to what others will never know. don't worry about me lah. just read, know me a little better and then we all move on.
hey, the world has both people being happy and also being unhappy at the same minute.
You should stand on the happy side.
dear robin: yes! i want to be happy! as i age, i realise that happiness doesn't just happen. we must fight and work hard to stay happy. it would have been nice if i was born optimistic or eternally cheerful but since i am not, i'll work hard to be happy.
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