Class 101 on women for dummies

men don't get it.

why don't you bring me flowers anymore, honey? after getting totally sick of the same words being repeated over and over again in their ear, they finally grow up enough to make phone calls to the nearest friendly florists and come every occasion the lady will get bamblasted with flowers; anniversary, birthdays, valentine and even hanukkah. she then says, such a waste of money. don't send me flowers anymore, honey. but....but...i just learnt a new skill. pressing a few buttons and presto! my love in stalks. how convenient, how easy and best of all, no more whining in my ears. what do you mean don't send them anymore??!!! the whining will start again!! mummyyyyyy!

then she says you didn't give me anything for my birthday. you've forgotten about it, haven't you?. but you just said not to give you any flowers?! for those blessed few, the apparent answer lies simply in the feet. walking to the nearest branded shop, doesn't matter prada, gucci, louis vuitton or ayam brand, throw open the glass doors ala clint eastwood style (imagine the soundtrack to dirty harry running in your mind) and tell the snotty ladies, show me what you've got. wallets, key chains, handbags, glasses, doesn't matter if she has it or wants it. the more expensive the better. for the en masse who aren't so fortunate to have robbed a bank in their sleep, they'll just have to make do with continuing to stare at the ongoing soccer game and pretending to have gone temporarily deaf. if you can salvage some little pieces of rubber and shove them inside your ear, all the better. peace will come soon enough, when she tires of whining.

yet, they don't seem to be satisfied. women never are. what exactly do they want? a list would be nice, in point form, less than 50 words in all if possible,especially for those short attention-spanned feathered species. please kindly list all that you want from me, from what to say to what to do, all men (and other forms of animals) are thinking. men are simple creatures. if their brains are akin to singapore's mrt map, women's are like the london underground network. ultimately, on the men's map, all the lines lead to one destination, sex. trying to figure out how the woman brain works is like playing the children tangled lines game, something men will have absolutely no patience to do. to make life simpler for them, give them a list of 10 items and sooner or later, later being the more probable scenario here, it will be done.





why did nature have to pair two very distinct types of beings together? two who are as extreme as night and day, two who sat on the opposite poles when characteristics, desires, attitudes and all other genes were handed out. it's quite a mockery of life, isn't it? wouldn't it be easier on all concerned if women, who craves for a little tenderness, a little concern, a little sensitivity, were paired with women? not just for a selected group but on the whole, as a general rule. perhaps the lesbian movement are the ones on the right track and the rest of us got the order of nature wrong and are muddling along. and men who want compadre-ship when they burp their beers, scream at flat inanimate tv screens and fixate their mind on only one thing find their match in someone who understand how it feels like to get a kick in the balls. why make one want something that the other is incapable of giving?

women want someone to make the effort, someone to spend a little bit of their time and energy to show that this woman is worth my time and effort. not all the time, that will be plain soppy, puke-inducing and simply trespassing on each other's space. just a little show that she is worth the extra effort once in a while. anybody can punch keys, heck, even monkeys can order pizzas and make reservations. anything, when done without a heart, becomes a meaningless routine. even diamonds given to mark every occasion become but a pile of rocks. a little planning shows you have been in someone's thought for the longest time, not just fished out from the closest smelly cupboard when the occasion warrants it. a little planning means someone cares enough for your feelings to matter. a little tenderness means you mean something to somebody, in this cold fast-paced world.

sometimes, some men get it. not all the time. not always. just sometimes. corny? not everything has to be corny, but everything has to be done with the heart.