year end closing

i have a little over one week before i have to change my rubber stamp, and my entire mindset again to accomodate the change in the last of the four digit that makes up our roll count of years after the birth of christ. and as usual, i'm lamenting over how time flies, with nary a time for me to catch my breath or for me to acquaint with the old year.

it's the year end, and i'm feeling very much overwhelmed by the overflow of events. christmas party came and gone, but i feel somewhere stuck in time (what time exactly i do not know), not quite feeling the euphoria of the moment or the excitement of the festivity. i remembered christmas last where i felt xmas-sy from head right down to toe. the most christmassy christmas in all my life, if i remember correctly (and i do cos i have a blog entry to counter-check) was the way i put it. i think perhaps this year is the exact contradiction of that. a little karma to balance things maybe?

this week was filled with nervous tension as we waited apprehensively for the pronouncement of results that will either bring the dark clouds down on the remaining of this year and definitely next year or make up for all the sacrifices that were made. it was like lying on the guillotine waiting for the block to drop, each breath painful and frightening. words cannot begin to describe the relief, the exhilaration i felt when i was told she is given a second chance in life. a chance that not many is accorded and i hope it dawns on her how precious this little thing called life is. sadly, perhaps not.

with slightly more than a week to go before another milestone in my life, a significant change to my daily routines. the younger child will join his sister in primary school, which spells an end to those endless ferrying, but also an emptiness to my days and a big gap in my routines. to be filled by what? an opportunity for change, a door to another phase in my life. that is something that requires much deliberation.

a friend that i have not met since puberty, a closeness that was left to cool. a little apprehension, a lot excitement. i'm meeting up with her this weekend. it would be a crime to be unperturbed by it. characters in the play have changed, time and venue different. we are different people now, living in the real world. but it would be a terrible waste to allow it to corrode a love so pure, a friendship so true, formed when all was innocent and genuine. perhaps she can remind me of how i once was. perhaps the cynical side of me will be thawed, if only a little.

whilst the rest of the world is taking leave until the next year, finishing their allocated days of rest, i'm being bombarded by work that has to be completed before the year end. how typical.

this is how my year ends. let's watch how it shall begin.