the lesser of two evils

those who see my mug day in and day out will know that over the years i have developed a morning cough, caused by weak lungs, exaggerated by cold air. a hacking cough will be a more appropriate description and not exactly conversation conducive. too little lung pounding exercise? too much lounging on the sofa? i thought the mere thought of exercise was enough! blame it on useless reader-digest unproven small facts.

a little while back, mum brought me along to visit a chinese doctor. a miracle worker! an eastern medicine practitioner who could make disabled walk. *raise eyebrow* perhaps mum was tired of being unable to get a word in through my melodious and jarring coughs. anyway, the doctor placed her fingers on my wrist and immediately pronounced weak lungs. a little like visiting a fortune teller. the mystery is unfolded. i was presented with three bottles of capsules; red, yellow and brown. very colourful - for chinese medicine.

without much thought, i popped those into my mouth, over the course of time. i basically will put anything into my mouth. that's the underlying reason i am having trouble keeping the weight off. but then that's another story altogether. the result was fast. almost instantly, the cough stopped. i can hear myself think again. another cynic was converted. and i continued to pop those pills - on and off. on when i remember them, and off when.....i don't remember them.

miracle pills? mum, who had constant pain in her shoulders, was cured. aunt, who found walking to be difficult, became relatively more active. and then there was her and him, and her and him, a whole posse of people who were miraculously cured. whilst we were still taking the medicine, that is. but it has to get you thinking, doesn't it? what is in these pills?

the test result came back last week. arsenic and steroids, it will seem. acccccckkkkkkkk! thump! that was the sound of me falling dead on the floor. i feel like a lab rat! the bottles were immediately chucked into the rubbish receptable. steroids? i can still understand. no wonder i was feeling so full of energy. arsenic? *raise eyebrow* i quite fancy the idea of living and would like to enjoy that for a number of years. i like being witty and clever too, thank you. i'll keep my brain and its not-quite-full-capacity operation, if you don't mind. it helps with the breathing and eating part, another favourite past-time of mine.

today an old friend visited me. i am coughing again.