colours that make my life

sometimes you think you know yourself very well. but then you wonder, do you really?

the story flashes back in time. a simple enough story. i bought 3 coloured files a long time back. i then alloted it for the use of my family members; one for storing mum and dad's stuff, one for my brother and his family and one for my own family. one pink, one purple and one turquoise-ish green.

my favourite colour? when i was a wee little girl, like most other girls, i loved pink. i think it's a natural fondness for many little girls. sacharrin sweetness and all the kinds. pink bedsheets, pink pencils, pink books, pink bags, it stirs something inside with its superficial nectar. until someone accused me of liking pink, that is. even way back, i can't stand to conform. to be a sheep in the flock. me? liking pink like all the other sheeps? nooooo way. i chose other colours instinctively. purple. blue. green. all the other pastel colours. but not pink. deep down, i think i still do like pink, but i learnt to like the other colours too.

as i grow up, pink really did made me a little repulsive. pink clothes, pink shoes, pink bags, they still look sweet. but sacharrin sweetness is just not for me. i realised i love turquoise. that shade that is a mix between green and blue. not quite one nor the other, but also a mix of both. sounds just like me. i love the very idea of it.

back to the story of the files. i love turquoise. but not the turquoise-green file which was more green than turquoise. so, i chose the purple file for myself (which was my favourite colour at one point and is probably my second favourite colour now), the pink for my mum (which is fitting, i thought, because my mum is all sweet and pretty, though at one point in time i believe her favourite colour was, and probably still is, purple) and bro gets the green file. colour coded for easy recognition. or so i would have thought. what i didn't know was how little i understand myself. everytime i make a grab for my file, i have always chosen the wrong one, merely by looking from the colour and associating it with the colour that i like. every.....single.....time. wrong guess.

don't i know which colour i like? don't i remember? is it because i liked all 3 colours at one point in time or other. or is it because i've never really truly loved any ?

why am i telling you this story? because it puzzles me. i thought i know myself, but it turns out, i don't really. and also because it feels like there is something more to this story, something in the deep consciousness that is waiting to be exposed, but i don't quite know what. what do you think this story is about?