have you ever wondered how much you have changed over the years? how much each life experience has altered you, if only for that little bit. not necessarily pleasant, not necessarily for the better. i've always believed my life's journey has made me more bitter, more cynical, less trusting of the goodness in humans, perhaps from the ugliness that i have witnessed and the coldness i have come across. when i was younger, i wanted every change in myself to be for the good, towards the light of righteousness and kindness. but not realising when, not realising how, i've arrived at a lesser version of myself.
was looking through some old memories and came across a list i made 20 years back, a list of my favourite things. was amused to read it and visualise myself way back then, a little person growing up in the world, full of ideals, full of enthusiasm. some things have changed, but surprisingly some things haven't. some things had to be compromised, some things staled but some things are forever me.
this is what i wrote.
what i like:
1. bouquet of pink roses
2. cuddly big soft toys
3. walking in the rain
4. watching the rain
5. staring at the night sky with the one i love
6. candlelight dinners
7. white t-shirt with blue jeans for guys
8. colour: pink, blue and white
9. dimples, long eye lashes, bushy eye-borws, smooth tanned skin
10. tom yam, paper-wrapped chicken, chicken fillet, prawn salad
11. unexpected presents (but not expensive ones)
12. strolling on the beach at night
13. having a dip at night
14. guitar-players
15. living in a double-storey spartment
16. a fireplace
17. someone who loves me very much
18. comedy shows
19. sentimental music
20. running/sprints
21. guys who are gentle and respectable with girls
22. chocolate ice-cream / milkshake / freeze / sweets
23. lemonade
24. low beds with satin sheets and many small satin pillows
25. wedding in church and honeymoon in rome and paris (i did go to paris for my honeymoon, without actually looking at the list. knowing that i did stay true to my dreams, even if it's only just that one thing, makes me feel warm.)
26. smiles and warm open hearts filled with love.
27. in a car with rolled down windows, loud music and moderate speed.
28. looking out to the sea from a ship.
29. shopping for clothes and stationery
30. sensitivity, manners, lots of love, understanding, smiles, protective, take care of me
31. strawberries, longans, lychees, watermelon.
32. making new friends
33. watching people dance
34. someone i like to hold and hug me from behind
35. cool windy days
36. char kway teow, fried bee hoon, chicken rice, roti canai
37. singapore
38. snow
39. bmw, ferrari, sports car
40. true friendships that last forever
41. sports: all types except roller-skating and golf.
some may be curious which is still me, which paled in the process of growing up. notice the colour difference. one is me, one isn't. only thing is, which is which? seems that i haven't really change all that much.
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