question no. 12

sometimes i get the strangest questions.

most people ask have you eaten..... how was your weekend.... how was your day.... what's latest in your life? me, i'm fielding questions of an entire different ball game. what would you do with your life if you are not doing what you are doing now? which part of your life were you happiest? are you happy? what did you do between 1st may and 31st may that you enjoyed doing? either i know some really 'deep' people or i have friends who are just not interested in knowing what's rolling and digesting in my stomach at the moment. do i appear to be introspective by nature?

sometimes life works in wondrous ways. i go through life not thinking, not caring, living one day to the next and along come some with questions as weird as the people from whose mouths they were spewed. questions that make me ponder and in seeking its answer i come to understand, and appreciate.

am i happy? i used to think happiness was a feeling of exhilaration, an emotion of exuberance, that you'll be feeling giddy, ecstatic, laughing all the time. a little like the light-headedness after your third glass of wine. i thought, at most, i am what can only be called contented. there are many things in life that i can't control, that i can't change, that i will want differently but much more that i appreciate, that i am thankful for and that i have grown used to. as i grow older i understand that no one can maintain that type of emotional high and not be labelled a deranged lunatic and be locked up in an asylum. happiness is not in the short span of elation when we have 11As in the examination. happiness is not in closing that big business deal and pumping your partner's hand with pride. happiness is not in locking eyes with the boy across the room that you have fancied for a very long time. those feeling are so fleeting and far in between. people chasing after such definition of fleeting happiness is only seeking for a lifetime of disappointment and unhappiness. an emotional high, not so different from the ecstacy re-created in chemical combinations of drugs. it is an apex of emotion, the very climax of your feelings. but is it happiness?

happiness is knowing that your loved ones are safe and healthy. happiness is looking into the eyes of your children, even when they are up to their michiefs. happiness is coming home. happiness is when you put that food that you have been craving for the longest time in your mouth, and feel it melt between your tongue, the flavour, the taste, the very essence satisfying every inch of your being. happiness is in a glass of wine, sipped intermittently between conversation with friends, with some jazz in the background. happiness is sitting in coffee bean, with a good book and some good music, just after it has rained. happiness is in my everyday life. so, if anyone is asking, yes. i am happy.