music in my life

a friend used to wonder, why is my choice of listening pleasure stuck in the 80s? reminiscing is fine but you should move on, you should listen to all the new songs out there, i was told. i feel like an old grandma knitting away in her rocking chair whilst the gramophone is playing nearby. i do listen to new music, whatever is playing on the radio but more often than not, i find myself switching to 105.7, the music for oldies. this is not where you insert your tease of my age, so please do resist.

i have been ruminating, why is it that i love the music of the 80s so much? is it as my friend said, it brings us back to our lives back then, simpler, easier, and looking back, always rosier? does it raise some memories from way back then, some beautiful frozen picture panels of our lives? a certain song attaching itself to a certain specific part of the past, like the first slow dance, the first kiss, the first date.

for me, it's nothing like that. when i was listening to music way back then, i was listening to music. not engaging in any other activities that would have brought back sweet memories. if i were to close my eyes when the radio played my favourite song, i can see in my mind's eye the me that was so long ago, sitting by myself in the room as the music played. is it just my infamous lousy memory or is it just a very lonely past, i don't have many memories that are associated to songs. some, but not many. the first time i slow danced with a boy - whom i didn't even have any romantic feelings for, i can't remember what was playing in the background. the second time, many many many years later - with another boy whom i bordered on dislike, i still paid no attention to the music. perhaps it was the companion, perhaps it was the ambience. it was neither romantic, nor worth remembering. all i remember is silence. are my memories mute? in which case, is it in colour? i can't remember the colours either. strange.

despite the lack of attachments of memories to the music, i am strangely attached to the music. for a while i didn't understand why. now i do. i like the music for its familiarity. for being a part of what i was, what i am now and what i will always be. for being a part of my past, my present and my future. that i find is the rarest of thing in this world that changes in the speed of light. friends that you cannot hold on to through the test of time. things that constantly innovate and update before you can even familiarise. life perpetually changing at a heady pace, before you can stand still for a moment and immerse in its warm embrace, the only constant thing being change.

i like the music of my past because it is the one thing that will always be there, the one part of my life that will not change and will be there when i need its familiar comfort. when the words in the air mirrors that which pass my mouth without even making a conscious effort to remember , it is like an old friend.

facebook friends

today i sent a request for friendship in facebook out to an old friend. a friend who broke my heart a very long time ago. a friend that i have not spoken to for so many years. it's sad how moths are drawn to the flame even though it risks being burnt. experience should have taught me to stay away. people don't grow a heart overnight, i know, i understand. i think i know. eyes wide shut. why did i sent out that request? because i still care. i still want to know that he is living his life well. or i am curious. to know if he is as impervious to the loss of our friendship as i imagined him to be. and he is. that is the sad simple truth. not everybody values you like the way you value them. not all memories of the past are equal. he is living well, at least i am happy to note. and i am slowly learning to let it go. to accept. that even though i thought he was a very good friend, i was nothing more to him than an ordinary one. to me, we went through a lot. i remember the days lounging in his room, the mid autumn festival, the visit to aberdeen, the necklace, the birthday gifts, the letters, the school holidays, the car crashes, the waterfall, the bond. i am amazed i remember so much.

at least i still have memories. and to me, it was special. even though our friendship no longer is.

this is how a modern woman does it

today, this little housewife (why housewife? i'm not married to a house! ask any woman and you'll realise that none of us like to be called a housewife) was sent out on a mission. to look for something that the chinese call sang yee. sang yee? live fish, literally translated? don't think anybody will entertain me if i go around asking for that. all my fishes are live, missy, i'll have you know that!!, and off i'll be swatted with some smelly broom.

ahhhhh, but this little missy is no ordinary run-of-the-mill man-wife (that term is more appropriate perhaps ?). i'm a technologically advanced, modern, a-million-task-to-juggle woman and therefore, to google i turn. sang yee, or what is known locally as ikan haruan or snakehead fish. people in the know will understand that this fish is not commonly available in all markets. people will tell you that you can find it here and there, but you will most likely be knocking down empty doors because supply is usually erratic.

despite that, this is perhaps where other man-wives dash off to the local markets to hunt down this temperamental specie; temperamental because it can never be found when you want it but in abundance when you don't need it. i, on the other hand, continue googling. if my paternal grandmother was still around to see me, she would have probably given out a loud sigh and a sad shake of the head. ask that one to go pasar, and she sits her bum down infront of the computer, typing typing typing. play computer also can buy fish one meh?

i googled the local hypermarkets, which i know sometimes carry them. i called the biggest branch to confirm that they do indeed have stock. ikan haruan, oh yes, we do have. and off, superwoman dashed off to the nearest hypermarket to hunt down the fish. triumph? sigh, not quite still.

sometimes the human factor defeats all advancement in technology. the person who picked up the phone informed me correctly that they do indeed carry the snakehead fish, but she did not mention how many. one miserable one. i went all the way there for one miserable fish, which fortunately was still swimming when i got there, unlike its other fishy friends.

after paying for my purchase, i made my way to another supermarket. on the way there, i called them up to make sure they have stock. oh yes, we have ikan haruan, the lady who answered the phone said. zoooommmmm! they have my foot! upon enquiry at their seafood section, they have zilch. and that is not another name for the snakehead fish. i called the lady up again.

you told me there is snakehead fish here, but i am here now and there is no snakehead fish!

oh, after that, i asked and they told me they didn't bring it in today, she said.

?! (*@&@#^^@*)

and i gave her an earful. again, all advancement in technology is useless in the face of irresponsible, unreliable, inefficient human. i should have known when she answered the phone in that listless, bored voice of hers. a disinterested voice speaks volume, remember this advice well my fellow readers.

left with no choice, i made my way to another supermarket. this morning was turning out to be an expedition to supermarkets. can i apply for a job as one of those undercover people who rates supermarket service? i had to call another three supermarkets before i could find one that have stock of the fish. one lady who answered in the other supermarket actually made an effort to check with her colleague before confirming that their supply of the fish has not arrived, saving me a trip there. this is what service should be all about, not just shooting off straight from the mouth without confirming the truth. all too often, we get that here, people giving information without the need to verify its authenticity, without a thought of how it would inconvenience or be detrimental to others, without the need to be responsible for what they spew forth. and much too often, others start rumours just because they can, telling people what they THINK and treating it as FACTS. wars have been started just because of this culture of irresponsibility and apathy.

so, ends this story of how a modern woman does her marketing, with the application of technologically advanced tools and less dirty work. stay tune for the next time the man-wife is given another household task, and she attempts to include the advancement of scientific knowledge in its application.

she said, he heard

was having dinner the other night and the family was engaged in a discussion about when the cook shall have his holiday. when both of you go on your next trip, i replied. it's very simple for us when you are not around, we can cook at home or just eat out. to which he replied, 'do you mean that it is very difficult when we are around?'.

faint.

men also have pms? or hormonal mood disorders? sometimes people think too much, misinterpret something straightforward into something complicated, with some other underlying connotation.

sigh.

i sweetly answered, 'no. when you are around, we come back to have dinner with you'.

poor excuse for a man

kudos to my uncle! for having the inept talent of making all other male specie look good. if you think your boyfriend or spouse sucks, just list his faults and compare them with our man of the day. anyone, and i mean, anyone, with a decent heart that is, will be considered top ranks.

his wife, who has slaved, toiled and laboured for the last 30 to 40 years for him, giving him 6 beautiful children who are now all grown up and independent, who looked after his business whilst he was out gallivanting, has taken a fall and broken her hand. on seeing that her visit to the nearest hospital had actually worsen her condition, the wonderful man drove her up to the city the next day, admitted her into the hospital, and returned back to the hometown, not even waiting to see her through surgery or at the very least, through the night. apparently satisfied that she will be looked after by her children, he promptly abandoned her in her hour of need. sigh. is she suppose to be grateful that he at the very least drove her to the city to seek for further medical assistance? the worst case scenario being he throw some dollar notes her way and ask her to take a bus up herself? *rolls eyes* i really hope that no such being exist who will go to such extreme behaviour.

why do people like that exist? and why do people like her exist? how can she tolerate so much? she is an even more classic story than ah sun. all that is missing is the visual image of her squatting on the floor and running from one side of the room to the other with a mop cloth in her hands. or maybe she really does that everyday at home. i wouldn't know.

anyway, here is a woman who gives too much of herself. and here is a man who takes takes and takes without a decent conscience in his bones. perhaps a match made in heaven for i believe no other soul in this world will be able to tolerate that idiocy of a man. customers who walk into their shop advises her not to climb so high, to which the man retorts, 'die already never mind. change another one.'

i think that says it all.

love, if not now, then when?

kudos to unnamed man in today's post! for having the inept talent of making all other male specie look good. if you think your boyfriend or spouse sucks, just list his faults and compare them with our man of the day. anyone, and i mean, anyone, with a decent heart that is, will be considered top ranks.

his wife, who has slaved, toiled and laboured for the last 30 to 40 years for him, giving him many beautiful children who are now all grown up and independent, who looked after his business whilst he was out gallivanting, has taken a fall and broken her hand. on seeing that her visit to the nearest hospital had actually worsen her condition, the wonderful man drove her up to the city the next day, admitted her into the hospital, and returned back to the hometown, not even waiting to see her through surgery or at the very least, through the night. apparently satisfied that she will be looked after by her children, he promptly abandoned her in her hour of need. sigh. is she suppose to be grateful that he at the very least drove her to the city to seek for further medical assistance? the worst case scenario being he throw some dollar notes her way and ask her to take a bus up herself? *rolls eyes* i really hope that no such being exist who will go to such extreme behaviour.

why do people like that exist? and why do people like her exist? how can she tolerate so much? she is an even more classic story than ah sun. all that is missing is the visual image of her squatting on the floor and running from one side of the room to the other with a mop cloth in her hands. or maybe she really does that everyday at home. i wouldn't know.

anyway, here is a woman who gives too much of herself. and here is a man who takes takes and takes without a decent conscience in his bones. perhaps a match made in heaven for i believe no other soul in this world will be able to tolerate that idiocy of a man. customers who walk into their shop advises her not to climb so high, to which the man retorts, 'die already never mind. change another one.'

i think that says it all.

drama unfolding

a new drama is unfolding in the household. a new series involving the chef and the house manager. she is caught in the middle of the throes of passion by the maids. they glimpsed a very naked her running in the dark room and waited by the staircase until she emerged from the room. house manager was very angry, to say the least. what are you all doing here?! to spy on you; that definitely won't be the obvious answer. to catch you redhanded, only if any of them wanted to die at the very immediate moment. she was only rubbing oil for the chef, spew forth the excuse. so lame. so very lame.

others held their tongue. one, the one who witnessed it first, couldn't hold it in, knowing that revenge was imminent. she tattle-taled to the highest level of authority that she could access. the boss was informed. but yet no action was taken? there is always wisdom in waiting and seeing.

many months later, another maid tattle-taled. it seems that she didn't do the necessary sucking up and pleasing to keep their mouth shut. they are still very displeased with how they are being treated. you can actually tell, who she has treated especially bad by seeing who walks to the front to tattle-tale. you wonder. those that keep quiet, is it because they are being treated better, or they are so much more of an expert political maneuverist, holding in details and only divulging when it is to their favour. i certainly hope i am reading too much into it.

still no response from the powers that be? they must be really dense. ha! then came the text messages. one to the boss. one to the second lady of the house. why not to me? i also wonder. someone seems very keen for action to be taken against the two leading actor and actress of the drama.

what will happen next? will they be relieved of their jobs? both or either? we will have to catch the next episode to see how the drama continues.

no more hellos?

he asked, how come mr. x never greets me in the office anymore? eventhough he greets everyone else and most certainly those directly related to the boss. it seems, he has become invisible. which is strange, because he is never one to step on anyone else's shoes, nor one for rough words or loud voice. always polite to others, it dawned on him suddenly that mr. x seems to have ceased acknowledging his existence.

is it shallowness? he is still related to the boss, so it seems illogical. or was mr. x offended by him because of some work issues. but perhaps in ways that even he is not made aware of. maybe mr. x is stuck with some shares that he cannot sell because of him? sometimes our work is not who we are but is what others see of us and who they imagine we become.

drama unfolding

a new drama is unfolding in the household. a new series involving the chef and the house manager. she is caught in the middle of the throes of passion by the maids. they glimpsed a very naked her running in the dark room and waited by the staircase until she emerged from the room. she was very angry, to say the least. what are you all doing here?! to spy on you; that definitely was not the answer spoken. to catch you redhanded, only if any of them wanted to die at the very immediate moment. she was only rubbing oil for the chef, spew forth the excuse. so lame. so very lame.

others held their tongue. one, the one who witnessed it first, couldn't hold it in, knowing that revenge was imminent. she tattle-taled to the highest level of authority that she could access. the boss was informed. but yet no action was taken? there is always wisdom in waiting and seeing.

many months later, another maid tattle-taled. it seems that she didn't do the necessary sucking up and pleasing to keep their mouth shut. they are still very displeased with how they are being treated. you can actually tell, who she has treated especially bad by seeing who walks to the front to tattle-tale. you wonder. those that keep quiet, is it because they are being treated better, or they are so much more of an expert political maneuverist, holding in details and only divulging when it is to their favour. i certainly hope i am reading too much into it.

still no response from the powers that be? they must be really dense. ha! then came the text messages. one to the boss. one to the second lady of the house. why not to me? i also wonder. someone seems very keen for action to be taken against the two leading actor and actress of the drama.

what will happen next? will they be relieved of their jobs? both or either? we will have to catch the next episode to see how the drama continues.