my friend

i had my head down, deeply engrossed in something, the actual details of which i cannot remember. suddenly, a shadow moved infront of me and i looked up. there she was, standing right before my very eyes! i couldn't believe what i was seeing, something that i could only dare dream in my wildest imagination. is there really a god in heaven?! i couldn't stop the tears from pouring, eventhough i am not usually one for emotional outbursts, but the very sight of her, there, talking and walking, brought such an emotional high that i could never imagine. i felt all my sadness, all the weights in my heart melt away. for the past few years, i have never thought i will ever see this day, but my dreams, my desire, my wish, has finally come true.

all that was left of her left hand was a stump, and she has grown slightly heavier. did they amputate her? why? when? it didn't really matter, as long as she was standing right there, right then. i rushed forward to hug her, and to hold her tight incase she slipped from my fingers again. we were laughing, crying, talking all at the same time, trying to make up for lost time. at the corner of her eyes, she say her friends drove past the porch. weakly, she called for their names. exhilirated as she was to share the immense joy with them, i rushed forward to get their attention. i told them she was awake, she was there. they tumbled in with unbridled joy and excitement. it was something that we have all been wishing for in our hearts.

amidst all the happiness, a realisation suddenly dawned on me. this cannot be right. she has been in bed for the last few years. if she wakes up suddenly, she will not be able to move around as she pleases; muscle atrophy has set in many long years ago. the moment that the nagging cognizance gnawed deep inside me, i felt myself slowly dragged into consciousness.

NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...........!!!!!!!!! it was like being dragged to certain death by freddy kruger. i can't face it. that all the happiness was merely a dream, that seeing her talking and walking right before my very eyes was just a figment of my unconscious mind. i can't face the fact that it is not real, that she did not hug me, talk to me, love me again. i have never known such bitter disappointment. now i do. i wish, if just to spare me a little more pain, that i will never have such dreams again.