ramblings of a mother

sigh. my daughter is growing up. i didn't have a chance to bade farewell to the toothy-grin adorable little girl who was so attached to me, or vice versa i'm beginning to think.

it was in the blink of an eye, the transformation. one minute she was still that needy toddler who is a little too mature for her age, and the next she is wanting her own space and privacy. i didn't realise when she stopped telling me things, about her life, about her school, and most about everything. she still tells me the run-of-the-mill stuff, like which teacher said what, which friend did what, which i should probably be grateful but she doesn't share her deepest fear, her innermost secrets with me. sigh. when did she start having secrets?! that little cheeky grin with the dimple on her left cheek, just below her eye.

i'm not quite sure i know how to bring up an adolescent. i believe i was absent the day they covered this lesson in children for dummies class. theoretically, you know what to do, but when it comes to actually doing it, it's darn hard. being nonchalant about the whole thing, taking each day as it comes, cutting your protective apron strings, heck i'm even at a loss on how to discipline them. they start to talk about lovey-dovey stuffs and they talk about boys and crushes. help!! they are barely out of their diapers. funny how you can keep cool when other kids are talking about it, joking and teasing them even, being their next best friend, but when it comes to your own child, you are ready to barricade the door and ground them for the next 120 years.

i need time to adjust, but the rate at which i am going, i will be ready to face my teenage daughter when she is 40 years old, by which time i'm outdated and will need to re-adjust again. this is a mother in denial. this is a mother who is constantly shaking her head from side to side and plugging her fingers in her ears. i look at other mothers who have little toddlers tottering about and i think in my heart, you have it easy.

excuse me, i need to rush off to the nearest book shop to get the latest copy of adolescent for dummies.