a strange experience

sunday....just when everyone's celebrating mother's day, i'm struck with a case of the black (blue doesn't even begin to describe the mood). i think it's clinical depression...or maybe merely a sign of indigestion.

i've given up trying to understand my feelings but try as i might, i couldn't shake it off. it's dragging its feet into the new week. perhaps a tablet of prozac...or a box or two....will help me see the light. then again, it's not as if there is something i can put my finger on. if it's purely hormonal, how do you scream at your hormones and give it a punch and a kick?

i tear at the lamest plot in the movies. my heart feels heavy and compressed....more signs of indigestion? i haven't heard my own laughter for some time.

i had one and a half hour to spare in between errands, and sick of roaming the unopened stores, i stepped inside a starbucks. it was a strange experience. perhaps it was the aroma of the coffee....or the coffee itself. maybe it was the soft piped-in jazz music or the lighting. i felt a load lift from my shoulder. there was no pressure to entertain anyone and provide good conversation, except perhaps to the empty air that was seated opposite me. i stared at the artistic patterns the water misting fan was making with its flow of waterdrops. i looked at people walking past and let my eyes moved with the hustle and bustle.

for some unknown and unexplainable reason, it calmed me. it infused strength back into my heart, albeit a little. it made me feel better....even if it was for a little while. a little time to take off all the load, a little place to just be myself.