the x-files

my extended family paid a visit to a 'spiritual adviser' recently, for lack of a better job title. to have a little chat with my grandparents who have long passed away. quite befitting for the ambience of this month, actually. i sat engrossed while they returned and re-told the stories of how the spirits of my grandparents came into the body of the spiritual adviser and recognised each and every relative with amazing accuracy. how my grandmother shook the hand of my aunty with the same affectionate pat and how she claims ownership of the things we burnt for her even when we did not mention the items specifically.

for some it was a very emotional journey, meeting up with closed ones who have moved on. for others, hands were shaking and body quivering. it's a close relative, after all. i would have thought the feeling would be one of immense relief; knowing that they are doing well in the thereafter. my grandmother was wrought with cancer at the very end, a fact that was kept away from her so as to keep the will to live alive in her. we watched with our eyes as she lied helplessly in the icu, frail and weak. it was pure torture to witness her slipping from our hands slowly, no matter how tightly we tried to hold on to her. all she wanted was a few more years, eventhough she didn't know cancer had already won the battle. so, stories of her spirit communicating with us was welcomed with pure relief by me. knowing that she is doing well in her next stage of existence is akin to relieving a large burden. then again, i may also be reduced to a quivering mass of idiocy when and if i personally experience such close encounter.

a couple of nights ago, i awoke in the middle of the night. the smell of burning paper sacrifices filled my nose. having heard of many tales of my grandparents visiting their loved ones soon after their death, i wasn't surprised. i didn't feel any need to search for the source of the scent. be it true or just a figment of my imagination, be it some loved ones watching or just part of my dream, it doesn't really matter. i closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

not long after, i started dreaming. i was getting into the car when i realised the two doors of the opposite sides are open. i got out of the car and closed it. the moment i returned to the seat behind the steering, the two doors opened again. i knew i was being 'disturbed'. fast forward a few panes of dreams that have merged into my subconscious memory, i remember another part where window blinds were flying violently, even with the windows closed.

was the dream a product of my over-active imagination, fueled by much talk of the supernatural during this 7th lunar month or was there some other existence teasing me in my dreams......i don't know. as an ever practical virgo, i believe it's the former. in the case of the spiritual adviser, perhaps what matters most is not whether the other dimension exist or whether there is another life after death but the fact that we are consoled with the thought. for this life, that consolation is enough. knowing that your loved ones have moved on to another place safe and happy and not merely disappeared into oblivion or a state of non-existence, it's comfort enough.