marital apathy

attended a wedding over the weekend. noticed a strange phenomenon and is still pondering over the why and what.

she was a family friend, so most of the extended family members were gathered there. almost like a pre-new year family reunion thing. the bride was perhaps slighted in warm greetings of familiar relatives. cousins, aunties, uncles, close friends.

coming away from the dinner, i had a strange intangible feeling, though i could not place it immediately. retrospective, i realised that almost all women who knew the brides personally came alone, despite the fact that they are married. from 30s to 60s. all forsaken by their other halves. as for those who are friends of the bride, by virtue of connection from the men's side, they attended as a couple. which goes to say that the husbands did not bother to entertain his wives' friends, eventhough both of them are equally familiar with the bride. the wives on the other hand, faithfully accompany the husbands when he has to fulfill his entertaining obligations. is it selfishness? is it self-centeredness? i would love to ask, be it as nosy as it seems. but i couldn't, because of the glaring absence of the 'survey-ee'.

the obvious pattern is intriguing to me, being the only couple that didn't fit into the model. perhaps i married a good man. i know i married a good man. one that didn't see fit to abandon me and let me make my own way to functions on my own, late at night, reluctant as he is to attend such boring functions. maybe it's independence. maybe their wives are strong and individualistic. not one, not a few, but all the married women. those that are my relatives, anyway, for i only have privy information on their marital status. somehow i can't make myself believe, hard as i try, that they will not prefer the company of their spouse, have someone to talk to in a table filled with other couples. when men are married for the longest time, do they become more selfish? do they think that only their own feelings matter? do they become more introvert? if so, beware. marriage should come with the warning label: marriage will make you more unsociable. enter at your own risk. if they think that the occasion will be boring, why send their wives to the lion's den, instead of escorting and accompanying her? whatever happened to 'in good times and bad'? 'through thick and thin'? maybe the small print, the one that all of us failed to see because it was too fine and tiny, read 'disclaimer: in weddings, we flee'.

is that what years of marriage taught us; to each his own? that i can understand. everybody needs their own space. but when that becomes once too often, and every occasion calls for that motto, i start to wonder the meaning of the marriage. looking back, i see them coming alone all the time, be it gatherings, meetings and functions. it seems lonely. perhaps that is preferable to a foul-faced, always-looking-at-the-watch-and-asking-when-do-we-go-home spouse. i would agree. but it seems like along the way the husbands have forgotten the act of compromise, give and take. the husbands have forgotten the feelings of their spouse.

i'm sticking to mine. like industrial strength glue. wild horses couldn't pull us apart. unless he is watching football, that is.