2008

2007 ended with a bang.

a bottle of brand's chicken essence to help me stay awake to welcome 2008, i witnessed the transition, together with a few hundred people under the bright sparks of the fireworks. gone was the melancholy. the exhilaration and excitement was probably propelled by the collective festive mood present. then again, it seemed to me like i was the most, and probably the only, excited person there. everybody else seems to be demure, if not subdued. if somebody checked the statistics, there probably was a drastic drop in sales for those carlsberg promoters. the problem was everybody was not drunk enough! for once, maybe, i will like to celebrate the new year without the baggage of a sane, logical and coherent mind.

every year, i insist on making the short trek down the few blocks to witness the local celebration in person. it's not quite the same, watching though glassed windows or kilometres of thick dense air. detachment is already my forte. new year is the time to make an exception and revive the passion in life. that done, melancholy is my middle name again.

it was a warm and sunny 1st of january morning. hopefully an omen of a good start to the new year, though i doubt so. when nobody's optimistic about the year, what are the chances it will break expectation? 2nd day of new year. the skies are clear and beautiful. life goes on as usual. what has changed? new hopes built overnight? a promise of a new start for many? and a chance to bury forgotten dreams for others. maybe we shouldn't wait for a fresh year to have that attitude. but the promise of a new page, a wiping clean of the slates, no matter how imaginary, is enticing. enough to fool ourselves that it is possible, that things will change, even if only for a short time. many people live in that false hope.

there are many things i want to do. like hug my husband after the countdown. infuse a little more enthusiasm into things, relationship. but sometimes, it's just easier to withdraw into yourself. a little self-protection mechanism i've picked up along the way. into a place inside that nobody can hurt you. because you don't give a damn. lose a little, love a little. easier said than done. when you've been disappointed a million times, when you've cried a billion tears, heard thousands of discouragement, you learn a way to cope, a way to maintain your sanity.

2 years in a row, i made new year resolutions. 2 years in a row, i didn't keep them. i really don't see the point of making resolutions which i never remember until the very last day of the year. making new year resolutions is so not me. i wonder why i did it in the first place? i'm substituting it with two other lists instead this year. a list of things i'm grateful for. i think it's an excellent way to begin the year. to remind yourself of all the things that you are thankful for. and a list of things that i want to do. physically do. not some stupid ambiguous wanting to be better, wanting to be fitter crap. a physical to-do tick list. the first thing on the list? to procrastinate. why do today when you can do tomorrow?

happy new year, everybody.