anyone who possess any of the following qualification, please write in for an interview.
1. can eradicate the swine flu, kill it and wipe it out from existence, pull it out by its roots, you get the idea.
2. owns a private, sanitised, fully-fueled (ask me to pay for fuel also i die) private jet and is willing to extend unlimited mileage usage
3. can build a giant rubber condom bodysuit, with porous valves which only allows ventilation through but not germs (only ventilation, but not germs? sounds pretty impossible. that's why i'm hiring! if i know how to do it, will i need to advertise?). note: rubbersuit must be very attractive and in the latest colour of the season; we can't allow safety to get in the way of being fashionable, can we?
4. can follow me on hand and foot, with a bucket of commercial grade cleaner and air-freshener, sanitising everything within 500m of my vicinity, making everything h1n1-free for me
5. can hypnotise airline staffs not to forfeit my tickets / spent-so-many-hours-earning-until-back-is-broken-hard-earned-money.
6. can make me a flying carpet, or failing that, an old brass lamp (preferably with a brad-pitt lookalike genie....am i asking for too much?)
7. can build a time-travel machine, and sanitise the entire time-space continuum whilst you are at it, will you?
applicants only have to possess any one of the above qualification. remunerations.....who needs remunerations when you are a genius of the above standard. your skills and your level of satisfaction at job well done will be reward enough.
meanwhile, i will be here, sulking and pouting, counting and getting acquainted with my hard-earned money that will soon evaporate into thin air, waiting for interviewees to walk in.
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