a tale unfolds

funny how life is like a movie, or a thick novel. slowly the story unfolds, page by page, day by day. the scene changes, the characters changes, everything changes. over time, i've been telling a story in this blog of mine. perhaps not in such an obvious manner but now i link together the stories that were told.

http://2ching.blogspot.com/2008/03/of-life-and-living.html

http://2ching.blogspot.com/2009/03/whole-lifetime.html.

that was then. this is now.

we didn't know why, when, how, why and what . time revealed all. one year later, she was gone, all the mystery unveiled. now we know when, what and how. we still don't understand the 'why', why one can stand passively by the sidelines, watching her waste away a little each day. i don't think we will ever understand. still, it was their decision. we can sigh, we can grieve, we can say a million times over what a senseless waste it was, but ultimately, it was her life on her hands

now, 6 months down the road, he is being introduced to blind dates. it seemed like just yesterday that she left, that i touched her cold, still body for a pulse. the image is still too vividly stuck in my mind's eye.

yet, can you blame him? there isn't a correct or wrong length of time to grieve. here is a man who has always had someone to take care of him since his first breath on earth. first his mother, then his sister, and straight on into the laps of his wife. a man who never had to do any housework for even one day or even cook for himself. a man whose answer to a pile of unwashed undergarments is to buy some more new ones. is his a tale of a man blissfully sheltered all his life, or the sad story of one who has always needed others?

we laugh at the stories of his blind dates gone wrong. we gleefully accept that he needs someone in his life to take care of him. friends and families eagerly look for someone to hold his hand for the rest of the journey. have we forgotten? did we close the chapter on 20 years of marriage and a whole lifetime? perhaps one can love many at the same time, perhaps to love does not mean not to grieve.

i steal a glance at him. he does not look sad. he does not look lonely. perhaps he is a master of disguises. or perhaps only at night, when all is dark and silent, and the spot beside him on the bed is cold and empty. a whole lifetime together and it ends like this. only when it is dark and silent.

it would have been poetic to have just ended at the previous paragraph. but i see no joy in wishing for a man to pine pointlessly for someone who has gone. i do injustice in claiming that i do not see him grieve. grieve is his and his alone, he does not have to show, me or anyone else. 6 months down the road, he has a new lease on life. i wish him well.