did i dream it all?

if i had known. that my memory was so fallible, that i will not be able to remember 85.37849% of the past, i would have made a more conscious effort to record down everything. i would have written down your names, taken photos of your smiles, treasured keepsakes of the past. i would have made more dilligent entries in my diaries, unlike the sporadic records that i am keeping now in this blog. flipping through my time-ancient diaries, it was filled with soppy accounts of romantic encounters. there is more to life than boys, you know, i nearly wanted to scream at the younger version of my self. i wish there were more details about the times i spent with her, friends that stood with me, the little moments that people made me laugh, or cry for that matter and the little things that mattered. now, everything is like a fresh blanket of snow in my mind, white, pure, clean ......and blank.

then again, would it matter if i remember? would it make a difference? friends that were so close are like strangers now. the hours that we have spent talking, laughing, all vague memories of the past. like the wind that blows and caress my face, a distant music in my soul. did it happen? or was it all in the mind? no photos, no videos, no physical evidence of the past. you don't even smile at me anymore. memories.