stopping in time

for 7 days everything was a nihility. nothing existed, nothing was in its place. no sadness, no happiness, no boredom, no hastiness, no pressure, no desires. nary a thought passed through the cranial space. except cold. cutting, biting chill to the bones. cold when you sleep, cold when you wake up, cold when you go to the toilet. cold when you eat. the only time that the cold is replaced by some heat is after a good warm shower, after standing motionless whilst the hot steamy water cascade over you for what seemed like an eternity. and even then, the warmth only stays with you for 5 minutes. and then you are cold again. 6 degrees. and yet they said it would be 25. it's the same old story always. i bring the cold with me. i wonder why that is so.

we ate. we slept. we read. we poured over a japanese drama. we ate some more. and we slept some more. amidst all the new year festivities, all the people coming in and out the door with the standard greetings, hands tightly clasped together and nodding in the same automatic motion, all the laughing, talking and listening that was my chinese new year. i did so much. yet it seems like i did nothing. nothing but eat and sleep. no clock to look at, no hurried ticking of the hands to catch up with. i did nothing. and it was the only way i could unwind. it was the only way i could stop. it was the only way i could catch my breath.