when did life become so complicated? why did life have to be such an intricate web of complexities? i'm a very simple person, with a very simple mind. my wants are very basic and it boils down to the very core of who i am, what i am. i just want everybody to be happy and healthy. on a perfect world, in a perfect situation, i love everybody. i exist on a very limited employment of my hard drive capacity. in other words, i don't keep much things in my brain. that explains for my happy-go-lucky attitude, the fact that i can sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, and also that my heart feels as light as a feather. it is the basis of my architecture. if i retain but one thing, small as a sand it may be, i cannot function. i cannot sleep, i cannot eat, i cannot rest. for my sanity's sake, i like life simple.

i have never once blogged about what frustrates me most. i have never once in all these 6 years mentioned her, who drives me nuts. her irrationality, her shrewness, her preposterousness, her shallowness, all the craziness that surrounds her interaction with me. for all her faults, i am still fiercely loyal, because she is someone close and dear, someone who is and should be regarded as blood. there is, however, no denying her wilfulness and the frustration that is compressed deep inside me now threatens to erupt. to let the world in on it will only be a betrayal, to bitch about her will only be graceless but i have no avenues for releasing my irritation. life is simple when you can just walk away, but is convoluted when that option is not available.

yesterday night, i nearly exploded. nearly. i've always kept my mouth quiet, unwilling to retaliate, not wanting to cause a commotion. i've taken in all her irrationality, her moodiness, but yesterday it seemed all a little too much. i wanted to give her a proper scolding, oh how much i really wanted to. to tell her how wrong she has been all these time, how unreasonable she had been. i clamped my mouth before it was too late to take it all back, and i feigned deafness once again when she insinuated and alluded.

i can feel the physical difference. my head throbs with vexation, my heart feels as if an elephant's butt is firmly planted on it, i can't breathe right and i couldn't sleep. it is strange how the mental mind physically affects the tangible body. what i really need now is a round with the sand bag to punch away all these pent up frustrations. failing which, i'm going for a run on the treadmill.