sick tales from a sick person

we have a winner!

poohbearee managed to beat all the contestants hands down with her simple "the netherlands ?" *grumble grumble*, putting a very abrupt stop to my travel quiz game *grrrrr*. my 2nd post entitled "more hints" have been shelved indefinitely due to some unforeseen circumstances *mumble mumble* (pssst, poochie, nobody was suppose to win at such quiz contests)

to reward her intellect, i have decided to turn her upright, so that the blood will stop gushing to her brain. ohhhhhhhh..... that's why she is such a clever little girl!
yes, poochie, that's your prize for this round.

waitaminit! who is that shouting "cheapskate" from the back there? *engaging shotgun* okay, okay. *rolls eyes and then rummaging in luggage filled with smelly unwashed laundries* our first prize winner deserves a better recognition. poochie, your reward for such brilliance will be a clog-shaped fridge magnet, imported all the way from amsterdam, air-flown in economy class and wrapped with delicate care for protection (read: wedged between smelly clothes). i'll hold your prize until we have a chance to meet or it disintegrates into cheap dust, whichever comes first. you know how fragile those things can be, probably made from china too.

despite the obvious mood-killer, i'll be showing you the rest of the photos, with more obvious hints to where i have been. the pancake, mind you, was muchhhh bigger than my face. and it was delicious, with a capital 'd'.



i learnt a little about the history of the place; how the dams came about, how it progressed over the years and a little about anne frank, the poor holocaust victim whose diaries were made popular to bring attention to the horror imposed on the jews during the nazi period. i witnessed the actual working of a windmill and tasted some horribly yucky goat cheese. i learnt the fine skill of artfully dodging bicycles coming from all directions while keeping another eye out for trams, motorcycles and cars. lastly, i mastered the method of drying my jeans in the toilet hand-blower after a huge rain soaked me from head to toe and caused me to run around with damp jeans for the rest of the day.

it was a beautiful trip.

one not too pleasant part though. you know all that crap about listening to your body when you eat? let your mind tell you when you are full and you'll stop eating? the best way to a trim and fit shape? it's crap, ok?

my two best friends, m and b (for people with no idea who i am talking about, please refer back to my previous post) had a big fallout during my trip. m says enough, infact was shouting until her throat was all hoarse and painful. b, on the other hand, was having the time of her life, gulping down all those fine food. sheesh! m said "eat one more bite and you'll puke, my dear ". b whined "just one more, please. pretty please? i have to try that raw herring. and that fries dipped in mayonnaise, what is that all about? i can't come all this way and not try it?" m said "let's continue walking to that palace. i want to see those beautiful decoration" which b immediately replied with "are you crazy? we've been walking the whole day? why don't you try it yourself? i want to sit down in this cafe here and have a cup of hot tea, you can walk all your want". if you hear the two at it, you'll understand why i have distanced myself from them. crazy loonies!

enough about that. i am very excited today. despite the foggy brain, the blocked nose, the scratchy throat and the blurry intellect...oh sorry, the last one is a predetermined condition. today is my day!! whoppee! yipee!

today is halloween! the day when i get to come out as i am, ghost face and all!

i'll be going trick or treating when the night falls. okay, okay, i'm a little too old to be going around begging for sweets. thruth be told, my main purpose tonight is to go around scaring all the adults and children out of their wits! i had a little dress rehearsal yesterday afternoon, and i had to send my little tyke in to warn my mum before i made an appearance. yes, i thought i was pretty scary, especially if i was standing still by the roadside on a dark quiet night.

look out for pictures tomorrow.

pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?

i'm back.

yes, that is pretty obvious, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this.

i brought back souveniers, dear readers, to compensate for the irreparable damage my absence has done to your soul. bags after bagfuls of ........germs. millions and zillions of microscopic bacteria. cough! cough! krekkkkkk....choo. anyone want some?

ok, i've done it again. i fell sick during my undercover mission. i always do. that's why it sucks so much. i'm so sick of sneezing, wheezing and coughing when i should be relaxing and enjoying. i hate feeling groggy, like having a water balloon sloshing around in my head, when i should be all perky and excited. most of all, i want my taste buds back!

i guess this is what happens to people who others deemed are fortunate enough to go for undercover missions. whoever it was who has been doing voodoo on me because of their envy, you can quit right now, ok? i'm back and i'm miserable now.

still, i'll live.. *wipes snort on sleeves* ...to tell the tales of my travel.

the country was amazing. it was an 'eenie meenie miny moe' pick but looking back, i think it was a wonderful choice. i've never thought much about this place, as everybody knows it by what it is famous for (which i shall keep silent about for the moment so as not to spoil the quiz question at the end), and to most, that seems to be all there is to it.

that was far from the thruth, as my visit there opened my eyes to its beautiful architecture, the historical facade of their buildings and the stories that lie within. even the ambience of the place was enough to knock me off my feet. it just felt so good to be there, in the presence of true beauty, both inner and skin-deep.

i was told, by my research papers measuring inches thick, that the people there are most attractive. i'm not one for people-watching, or rather face-watching, but once i turned my attention to the citizens there, going about their daily routine, it surprised me that i was looking at dropdead gorgeous people every other step of my way. can you imagine bumping into tom cruise, minus the height imperfection, or alicia silverstone everywhere you go?

ok, these two weren't the best samples i've seen but i had to be discreet or risk spending a night in the local jailhouse, holding a toddy for warmth, or worse the resident butch sex-offender for company.

all in all, it was a beautiful trip, save for this irritating cold.

so, my dear friends, where did i go?

in anticipation

the bags are waiting in the hallway. everything is ready to roll on the word 'go'. the travel books and thick research papers are all packed and within hand-reach and the emergency medical bag is stocked up for unforeseen circumstances.

the place will be alien to us. the people, the language and the culture will be foreign. i will no longer be able to hide behind my comfortable routine and will be forced to face new adventures every minute of the day. whilst it is both scary and exciting, what i look forward to the most is breaking free from all the constraints of schedules.

i will no longer have to look at the watch to know if it is time for lunch. my growling stomach will remind me. i do not need the ticking clock to tell me if it is time to head for my next destination. i will move on when i have absorbed all the pleasure each place offers. i do not need to know when it is time to sleep or wake up. my body will be the indicator.

i can stop and look at the beautiful flowers as the gentle breeze carries its sweet fragrance to me. i can sit at leisure and watch the people walk by, without having to bother about rushing to meet my next appointment. i can walk slowly along the streets and admire the magnificent architecture, which is rich with its history. i can enjoy each mouthful and savour its taste.

i can be me.

you should be so lucky!

before i start today's post, i just need to say this...some of you may have realised that i have been seriously lacking behind in commenting on your posts lately. i always seem to be late.

sigh! in the morning, i have to juggle my never-ending work and bring you the latest updates in my blog. in the afternoon, i am stuck with a non-existent internet connection, which makes logging in hardly worthwhile. in this day and age, who else in this entire blogosphere logs in at a mere 4800kbps, hands up please? snail mail is faster, believe me! if i didn't manage to sneak into your blog before the bewitching clock strikes 12, i have to wait until the next day again. i'm cinderella-of-the-blogosphere. often times, i do crawllllllll in when i have some time to spare but the connection makes commenting in your post seem like a mountainous task. until i have a decent lifeline to the world wide web again, please bear with me.

on with today's post....

i have a butt fettish. i like butts and when i see them i like to pat, pinch and bite them. grrrrrrrr! however, i am most picky about my choice of butts. it's not the size that matters nor the shape. round ones, shapely ones, perky ones, i don't give them a second glance.

it's not the sex of the owner either. i don't quite mind if it's a he or a she. rather, my criteria is based on person whose butt is attached. you should be so lucky if your choice of butt is of my liking, for i am most choosy. i don't go for any tom, dick and harry's behind. if i like your butt, it means i love you :-) so, you should be thanking your lucky stars if i pinch your butt! ha! my teeth are itchy again! grrrr...!

bet you didn't think i will post that here, did you? wakakakaka. to more serious stuff....

i'm running away again. i've accepted another undercover mission and will be missing for the entire next week. i know my faithful readers will find this period hard to pass (barf bag anyone?) but for my sake, bear with it for a little while, ok? i understand; life will seem meaningless, the sun will shine less brightly (hey, that's the haze's problem, not mine, ok?) and the days will pass slower.....but i will be back, i promise.

i'll bring photos of this country i'm infiltrating and bagfuls of fresh air as souveniers.

in the meantime, hold your breath until i'm back!

Gallantry? What's that?

there seems to be a recent epidemic going around. infact, almost all of my readers have been inflicted with this deadly disease, CAMEL (Curiosity About M E’s Looks), which is quite worrisome actually. i am not too definite about the how, why, where and when but i know that there is no known cure. all i can recommend is to take 2 panadol, take lots of rest and fluids and don’t call me in the morning.

this affliction is rather strange actually, since i am no sweet young thing, bobbing and popping away. hello? this is a 35 year-old non-anti-gravity mother-to-2-kids we are talking about. are you expecting a teri hatcher housewife lookalike perhaps? there is nobody perky and bouncy staying here, sorry, you have the wrong door. so, stop being fixated about the way i look and concentrate on the words here. otherwise i will not be showing you my halloween costume. :-p

back to today's topic.

gallantry is dead. i tell you, gallantry is dead!

today started out with a male versus female 'see who can show up the latest' meeting with friends. as usual, i lost by a small margin, no thanks to my watch, which keeps giving me the correct time no matter how much i adjust it. the male sex does not seem to have any misgivings about keeping the ladies waiting nowadays. yes, i know of a blogger who can testify to that! what happened to the days when men should turn up before the ladies, if only so that she won't be all alone in a strange place? gone. the answer is it's gone with the times.

i'm old fashioned perhaps? however, i have not been trained in the art of self-defence and have no confidence that i can outrun the baddies, so it will be nice to see a familiar face around. especially since i was carrying a big box laden with 10 heavy bottles today. which brings me to my second proof of the death of chivalry.

today i was faced with the task of carrying that load two stories up and the darn lift and escalator chose the perfect timing to stop operating. as it was, the load itself was a challenge to my dainty ...*ahem* built but to carry it up, teethering on my heels, up the stupid escalator steps? i freaked out in the middle of the first flight. incase you have forgotten, i am altophobic and yes, i get crazy when i travel up the escalator without holding on to the hand-rail. both hands holding on to that heavy box, i was of course not accorded the comfort of that security. step by step, as my legs shaked and i cursed under my breath, i made my way up. i was so tempted to stop half-way, take out my heels and walk up the steps barefooted. that alone would have been a big enough challenge for me. sigh! why must things that are so easy and simple to others be so hard for freakish me?

as i said, after the first flight, i lost my grip on sanity. there is no way i will do a repeat for the second flight, no matter how much anybody pays me. i rather sit on the nearest stool until rescue comes in the shape of habitually late friends or i rot to death first. so, i planted my bottom on the nearest chair and sat there like an idiot whilst everybody walked by.

not long later, i spotted a security guard...who looked pretty able-bodied to me. not mr muscles, mind you, but i am sure he can manage a tinyyyy box like that up one flight of stairs. so, with my super powers of attraction, i tried to mesmerise the guard into helping me carry that box. of course it cannot be an outright request, you understand; i must make the idea seemed like it came from him.

me: hello, when will the escalator start moving?

guard: soon.

me: ohhhhhhh. this box is tooooo heavy for me to carry upstairs. *pouting slightly*

guard: *smiles and walk off*

me: !!!!!!!!!!!

this guy must be really dense, otherwise my charisma must be on leave today. so, this idiot sat there, whilst more strangers gawked as they walked by, until the escalator was switched back on. infact, one nosy man actually walked closer to sneak a peek as to the contents of the box. sheesh! chivalry 0, nosy busybodies 1.

i tell you, gallantry is dead!

the uncoding of ME

this post is dedicated to jonzz and annie, and to the rest who have been wondering about my avatar but have been to shy to ask, for fear of looking like a fool. kudos to the two who didn't mind being stuck with such a label. *grins*


this morning i felt a chill when i woke up, as if someone has been walking on my grave.

as i surfed the net, i understood the reason for this unsettling feeling. someone has been messing with my picture. you know, the one in the avatar. it's as if someone is doing voodoo on me, or should it be ME, complete with pins and needles. only this time, it's complete with paints, fake housewife hair-dos and imaginary stilletos. i'm flattered, to say the least. mummyyyyyyy! i am famous now!!!!!!!! anybody wants my signature?

apparently, jonzz has lots of free time on his hand and he has come up with interesting versions of the morning innocent and demure ME and the night rocking and jiving (only, it doesn't quite have the happening look, more like a forsaken house-wifey look) ME. not to be beaten, the rather blur annie has also pasted my avatar all over her site. thanks for the attention guys, but first, you have to grasp the correct idea. i'm no stunted-dwarfed-cartoon-character. i may be bald, neckless and fingerless, but i think i'm fairly well-proportioned.

annie sees me in stilletto heels. i know we come from different parts of the world but i honestly cannot see any stilletto in the picture, no matter how many times i turn the picture 360 degrees round and round. i can only imagine the supposed stillettoes are the pointy ends but why does it start from my chin? that's american education for you, teaching one to think out of the box. i probably should register for an art appreciation course in harvard right away.

jonzz, you are as bad. levi's all the way to the head? and sharp pointy ends as legs? you people are making me confused about my own avatar.

ok, before someone starts drawing me tatoos and punk hair-styles, let me give you an enhanced drawing, to show you which is where.

better? i have a sneaky feeling that annie has long grasped the concept of my picture but persists in pulling my leg. which is fine really because i have such short stubby ones. any assistance in that department will be greatly appreciated.

i don't think there will be anybody left in this whole wide blogosphere who still cannot comprehend my avatar. however.......annie's is rather blur, or so she claims, and i do have my reservations.

so, for annie............

this is what ME was doing in the avatar. see? no stillettoes, ok?

sheesh!

a virtue forsaken

patience is a virtue.

yes, we have often been reminded that, even from young. good things come to those who wait….….blah, blah, blah. as you can see, i don’t even have the patience to finish that sentence.

strange. i’ve never thought of myself as impatient. short-tempered maybe, but even that has mellowed as i age. lately, however, i notice that i have a tendency to rush through everything. if my computer can speak, it will tell of the cussing and ‘accidental’dents that it has received for its’ sometimes temperamental and slow performance.

the first that went, i think, was probably my handwriting. i have forgotten exactly when my beautiful penmanship has degenerated into a time-rushed physician-like scribble. heck, even my 5-year-old’s handwriting looks better than mine. maybe i have the makings of a doctor! anyway, hence i no longer send letters via snail mail, or even pen memos for that matter. the keyboard has saved me a lot of harassment and hassle from weak-eyed pathetic individuals.

everything else came in a rush. my speech rushing to catch up with the speed of the train. even during my secondary and university years, the teachers had to constantly remind me to read at a more leisurely pace. hell, i can’t be held responsible for those slow-brained people listening. they have got to learn to buck up and catch up with the flow! professors are not excluded as well. *ahem!* it would have been nice if i had the courage to tell them so in their face then, and not just nod meekly.

cleaning and beauty rituals are not excluded. i believe spending five minutes making the same circles around my face in the exact same spot will not make it any cleaner than a 30-seconds super-turbo enhanced wash. standing under the shower for 45 minutes will not make me smell any nicer either, so why bother? if you've already washed all the nooks and crooks, you've already washed it! get out of the shower already!! forget about the massaging part, creams are literally just slathered on and left there to dry whilst i go about my other stuffs.

i used to enjoy reading novels, all curled up on the couch with a drink and a good book. now i speed read and skip all the 'non-essentials'. flip, flip, flip.......forget about all that description of the scenery, let's get on with it. not kissing her yet? flip, flip, flip some more. just like when i watch korean series on dvds. you know how slow those romantic lovey-dovey scenes can be, right? i can keep my finger on that darn fast-forward button for 15 minutes straight and the handsome actor hasn't even muster the courage to tell the girl he loves her. sheesh! i don't know why i still watch them.

eating is the other thing. i really don’t see why i have to chew one mouthful a hundred times if my stomach is suppose to be doing the digesting into molecules anyway. should i be spoiling that lazy insolent thing? most days, i finish my meals way before others and i sit idly by, twiddling my thumbs as they are still patiently munching on their food. the hot steaming soups are the worst but still, in it goes in a gulp.the roof of my mouth is so used to scalding by now. recently i've realised that my shoulder muscles are most tensed when i'm shoving spoonfuls into my mouth. stressed even whilst eating? help! i really need therapy!!

where am i rushing to? i don't really know. i will like to slow down. i really would.....but i can't. maybe there are just too many things i will like to do and they just can't wait. too many things to try. too many places to see. to many food to eat.

sorry, i have to rush off now for the next thing on my agenda..

stories from beyond

i confess.

i was abducted by aliens over the last couple of days and hence the disappearing act. i did my very best to escape from their grasp, in a bid to return to my faithful readers as soon as possible. breaking free from my bondage, i jumped into the first hatch that i saw and ......found myself floating in outer space, where i drifted aimlessly for a few days. *sob* you just can't imagine the terror i went through. bit by bit, inch by inch, i swam my way back to earth. the experience was just too traumatic to recount.......... not convinced?

ok, let's try again. as a result of over-exposure to the intense haze over the last week, some of the smoke and harzardous content has crept into my cranium, causing an immense build-up of pressure in the cavity, a condition the doctors have termed as 'brainofoggy'. i was unable to focus and the sensation was likened to having my head in the clouds all the time. i spent the last couple of days drifting in and out of sensibility and normality. in the end, an ingenious doctor placed a low-voltage vacuum cleaner near my ear, which managed to suck the haze out of my brain and sent me on the slow but sure path of recovery. better this time?

actually, blogging is a very intense feeling. you breathe, eat and think blog. whatever you are doing, you will be thinking whether it is good blogging material and are constantly visualising how you should put it all down in black and white. you abandon all your other favourite pastimes. heck, you even forsake your job and responsibilities. so, once in a while, you just feel like the need to get away from it all....to have a piece of your life back. perhaps it was just blogger's block. anyway, i'm recharged and ready to go again.

sunday was my usual day for the 'b' game. i won't say the name of the game here because i don't want to attract the attention of people who are surfing the net for serious information about the sport. hey, here's another site about badmi........what the heck! it's just gibberish!. get the idea? anyway, i was talking to HD about the finer points of the game......ahem! actually i was just wondering why i am not getting a good grip of the racket when an eavesdropping man decided to poke his head in and answer my questions himself. who says i am not a cutey pie?! so far, my irresistible power of attraction has pulled in two hot-blooded, albeit a little too old for me, men from the vicinity of my magnetic charisma! perhaps they just cannot stand watching my flailing antics around the court and how i run around like a tired puppy. gosh! the lengths that these men will go to in order to find an excuse to talk to me! *grins*

i am pretty convinced that malaysia will soon evict me from the country and reclaim my citizenship for i am the last and only adult here that cannot play a decent game, no matter how much pointers or advise. however, i will stick to it.........until i find something else that i can do with more grace and dignity, and win HD by a far cry.

hmmmm....where is that box of pictionary again?

i am addicted

it all started with the problem of waiting.

i was surfing through my routine reads this afternoon on an snail-paced connection line. being the typical multi-tasking woman that i am, i was not contented to sit idly by whilst the computer loads the pages bit by bit, or is it byte by byte?

anyway, i opened up a game that i have long abandoned - minesweeper, to help me pass the time as line by line of information is being transferred. beats nodding off, i figured. by the third blog though, i was hooked. damn! i have forgotten how addictive this game can be. all those office hours idled away behind the monitor, as i clicked on the small squares and tried to look busy at the same time. hours spent trying to figure out where those mines were until i dreamt of them at night.

i'm sorry, i have no time for an update today. i have to get back to my computer. errrr....urgent matters are awaiting me.

hasta la vista!

a moment

were you there?

i was part of the 15,000 crowd, bopping and jiving the night away, dancing to the songs that the 'forever-25' man was belting out.

to be frank, i'm not a dedicated fan of his. heck, i don't even know how to sing any of his songs. however, like many other 30+-year-olds, i grew up on a healthy dose of his melodies, playing in the background whilst we go about with our studies.

i went for lacking of something better to fill the nights. the enthusiasm didn't hit me like it did for michael jackson and andy lau's concert. i wasn't exactly climbing over chairs to get a better look at his 50+ wrinkled face. however, i must say, this is the best concert i have been to so far.

when you think of him, perhaps most people will think of his ever-expanding waistline, droopy-with-age face and descriptions such as over-the-hill and ex-superstar. when he starts singing though, all you can think about is how perfect his tunes are and how strong his voice comes across, a far cry from the recent up and coming singers. his music carries you away with him, leaving behind time and age. in a little while, you forget that he is 54 as he brings you into his world.

the real concert began when he was called back by thunderous shouts of 'encore' from spectators that persistently refuse to leave, even after the stage light was shut down. he re-appeared to share with us his love for music. everybody was invited to the front of the stage, people from all grades of tickets, where they began dancing and rocking to his songs. we could feel his passion for the music and he could feel our energy. the moment that the concert was officially over was the moment that the fun started. he could be there to give us a few more songs or he could leave. so could we. we knew that and he knew that. however, all of us wanted to catch hold of the magic for a moment longer. a moment where we forgot everything else in the world, except the fun, the energy...and the music.

even the elusive moon sneaked a peek from his heavenly perch.

where did the moon go?

was it me?

or did the moon disappeared last night?

i had the feast of a dinner for moon-lantern festival last night. the whole table was laden with scrumptious mouth-watering food. it was a matter of which food takes priority over others before my appetite was satiated.



sad to say, it was a lantern festival like all other years. we didn't cause havoc or burn down the house, for fear that the insurance premium will be raised. we didn't roam the streets with our lantern because we didn't fancy being knocked over by cars blinded by the haze. we didn't get drunk and sing chinese melodies at the top of our lungs.

however, we did have a mini-concert by the children, coerced and forced into performance by their wicked mother/aunty. that's me, by the way. we did pig out on the array of food. we did light up some lanterns and nearly ended up burning one of them. we did yak, yak, yak the night away.








it was very nice.....but where did the moon go? we hunted for it the whole night and even sent out a couple of detectives to track it down. it was no where in sight, that beautiful larger-than-normal and very round luminous moon. hidden behind the thick cloud of haze.

sigh! 

watch out!

snarl!

for those on the move today, watch out for a rabies pig. grrrrrrr! today, i bite! *chomp*

i'm in a snarling mood, not exactly a nasty angry disposition but i just feel like snapping. so, don't pat me on my back if you'll like to keep your fingers.

maybe it's this diet that i have been for the whole week which is causing me to loose my grip on sanity.

or maybe it's the fact that the weighing scale went the wrong way this morning after i pigged out on what i thought would be a protein diet last night.

perhaps i have been doing too long without a cup of coffee....

maybe a break from the routine is what i need.

whatever.

grrrrrrrr!

happy moon-lantern festival to all. *snap*

aliens with noses on their head

gasp!

two posts in a day?! even before some regular readers have a chance to comment on my first post for the day, out pops the second one. hey guys, you are slacking, man! pick up the pace! :-) i have no choice, you see. extensive surveys have showed that my readers prefer short and sweet posts from me, so what is a girl to do? break it into a few posts! haha! ingenuity to twart the system. then again, most of you will choose to read the latter post and just ignore the earlier. don't you dare! now, scoot, go back and read the first one.

have you ever read las montanas' post on something that he has forgotten to bring along which has actually became a part of him? eeeek! today, i suffered the same fate. i felt so vulnerable and naked without it. so lost. no, las montanas sir, i cannot live without it. especially today. without my belt, my pants keep slipping down. i was in such a rush to go out today that i have forgotten to put on my belt. i am left hanging on to my pants, literally! so, if you read in tomorrow's newspaper of a girl who was shot in a bank robbery, simply because she refused to raise both of her hands up when the robber demanded so, you'll know it's me. hey, i've got my dignity to protect!

actually, today i had the misfortune to step into a damn snooty and snobbish place. you know, the ones where they have their noses on the top of their head? i don't know why they were created in such a strange physical shape, but i guess it's useful for them when holding their noses in the air. it didn't help that i was dressed in tees and jeans. hey, that was an improvement from what i was wearing this morning; i don't think they appreciate people walking into their building wearing negligees.

anyway, dressed in slipping pants and a simple tee, i entered into the financial institution. for goodness sake, it was just a bank, not gucci or emporio armani. an officer of the bank, in an earlier phone coversation, had directed me to the first floor for the relevant services i required. i walked straight in, and upon seeing an escalator heading upstairs, i made my way there. i was promptly stopped by one of those strange creatures with his smelling organ on the top of his head. apparently, the escalator that leads to the first floor doesn't take one to the first floor. go figure that out! looking around and spotting the sign 'premier banking', i understood the reason why. from my dressing, apparently he could guess that i was not a 'premier-banking' customer. nevermind that it was a gucci t-shirt, you idiot! ......erm, actually it wasn't.

anyway, i took the lift to the first floor. aha! so, take note please, everybody. an escalator doesn't take you to the first floor, only a lift does. *scratching head at the strange reasoning*. apparently, people in this bank has some beef about the way i am dressing today. the relevant department i was sourcing out was also not convinced i had matters pertaining to their department.

me: hi, i've come to ask about this* service (*this denotes the relevant service)

man: *looks me up and down* (i seem to be getting that a lot!) *man stammers to get the correct reply out*...........

me: whatttt?! the sign on the door says this is the correct place! you don't know about the service you provide ah?! (speaking in my mind only, mind you. but if he had stammered and stared at me a second longer, i would have rammed those words down his throat!)

anyway, all's well ends well. a lady who was not so biased against appropriate attire served me to my satisfaction. this serves as a reminder to people out there: when you next visit a financial institution, please put on your slickest armani suit or your sexiest dior evening gown. failing that, please stick all your platinum credit cards and $100 bills to the surface of your body. don't forget to cover your face with that title deed or motor vehicle registration now. all to show that you have a little money to your name.

sheesh!

speed

imagine this......

your car is travelling at 140kph, the window is down and the wind is blowing in your hair. the music is rocking away at full blast and you are jiving as you drive. ahhhhhhh! sounds heavenly?

not for me.

my top speed is at 100kph. for some strange reason, i have been born with an in-built speedometer. scientists are waiting in line to turn me into a biological sample to examine in depth this potentially cost-saving trait. i don't even have to look at the dial to know i have reached that speed. my heart will instinctly start pumping to the speed limit - 100 beats per second. my palms will start to sweat and my guts turn into chicken shit. i meekly signal to merge into the traffic on my left. coward!

i can't help it! flashes of those flying watermelon safety campaign commercials automatically replay in my brain when i hit that speed limit. my fingers start to twitch and my brain tries to override my hands, asking them to jerk the steering wheel. what is my brain trying to do? get me killed?! with manic suicidal hands like these and a crazy cranial accomplice, it's better if i just stay in the middle lane. yes sir, you can take over. it's ok.

you know how all the cars slow down to a crawl when they reach the toll-house, even when they have the auto-detect smart tag? then, after they have been beeped, everybody just floors the accelerator and rushes like lunatics to be the first. you know what that reminds me of? little sperms rushing out to be the first one to reach the egg.

now, you'll never ever look at the toll-house in the same way again *grins*

it's back!

from a distance, i could see a friend walking towards me.

as he walked nearer......

me: hey there! i haven't seen you for quite some time. how are the kids? and your missy? we really should get together soon. catch something to drink, talk about old times. what do you think? i really miss the group.

him: who the hell are you??!!!

me: *pushing aside the thick haze infront of me* ......wha??!!! sorry!

for those who are not presently in the heart of the malaysian city center, amen!, we are under seiged by a blanket of thick white and smelly smoke. gone is the malaysian skyline, gone are the famous twin towers. infact, my hand right infront of my face has also done a disappearing act.

once, it used to be headline news when we were attacked by this invisible monster, describing in great details the source of the smoke and the risk rating we were in. now, it's old news that just barely makes a small section tucked away somewhere in the corner of the dailies. we don't know why, we don't know how. here today, hopefully gone tommorow (cross our fingers). meanwhile, can i hold my breath?

some of you were enchanted with my photo-taking skills recently. ahem! as today's entertainment, i bring you a picture of the malaysian skyline, complete with the towering skyscrapers and the majestic kl tower.




i swear it's all there. you just have to strain your eyes a little bit more to see them. all part of malaysia's reality.

cough! cough! cough! choke....... *fainted*

nearly

i nearly had the time to post an entry.

but now i have to run. i have to go play with the little master, who is sitting on the floor, whining and crying.

a few pointers

my bum hurts.

from another round of over-exertive badminton which saw me running around like a dog. in the midst of the game, an old coach walked up to me and started giving me some pointers. apparently, he couldn't tolerate the abuse i was getting from HD :-) or perhaps, he just couldn't take the way i was insulting the game with my hopeless excuse for techniques of the game.

in all my 35 years of playing, (ok, take away a few years since i didn't start holding the racket from the crib) nobody ever taught me the proper techniques. so, all these years, i have beeen running around that rectangular box like a mad-woman, doing all the wrong moves. i know there are those smart-alex out there who will pipe up and say that they have learnt their techniques merely from observation of professional matches. i confess, i belong to those dim-witted blur category, ok? so, sue me!

anyway, this kind, and ahem.... busybody, man taught me the correct way to hold the racket, stand and move. theoretically, i could see an instant improvement in my game. in practice however, my brain needs more time to communicate with my body. it's inspiring, i feel, to have a mere stranger take the effort to walk up, interrupt my game and point me in the correct direction. it's strange; the little ways that we can touch the lives of others.

the neighbourhood community organised a 'pre' moon lantern festival celebration last saturday.


i miss those days when we got together with all the cousins and walked around like idiots without a purpose, holding to our paper lanterns. when that got boring, we just burnt all the candles and melted them to a huge ball of wax. :-) hmmm....i think i may just conspire with the kids to do that this year.

did any of you look up on sunday to see this? have you forgotten how beautiful a rainbow is?