is there a conspiracy against me?

today's entry is delivered in colloquial english.

i tak boleh tahan liao. anymore bad news come, i karate chop the sender. beware! you have been warned. bearer of bad news, please hold on to it for a little while until i can take a deep breath and be more mentally prepared.

today i have more than i can handle. one more. one more and i guarantee i will pengsan. so, unless you want to be the guilty party, scat!

first thing in the morning, her aunty called to say that they will send her to singapore for further medical treatment. sigh! i guess it is a good thing for her since they have very good doctors over there but it also means i will not be able to see her for some time. and her condition is so fragile now. i rushed over to see her for one more time. to give her more semangat, and maybe myself too, i told her to hang in there and get stronger over there, so that she can return to me very soon. macam lesbian like that. but what to do? only when you lose somebody, do you realise how vital they are in your everyday life.

second thing was a call from my cousin. she was the one who googled and found my first puppy love. the one that i wanted to meet up again so long ago but have forgotten about it for the longest time. anyway, she asked me if no. 1 gave me a call. she has asked me this so many times in the last month that i also malu to answer. remember the phone calls that i was waiting for? well, this guy was one of them. and that was last month. yap, he never bothered to call me back. so, i malu malu tell her that he has not bothered to call me. says a lot about me when my ex doesn't want to talk to me again, hor? but what to do? this is the fact. well, it seems that he called her out for lunch today....and that invitation has not been extended to me. sigh! never mind lor. what can i do? i must go stare in the mirror until my eye balls bulge out and find out what is wrong with me.

she later called to tell me that he didn't dare to call me because he felt that i was very busy and asked her to extend invitation to me. huh?!!! i just want to go hit my head against the wall. really tak boleh tahan. how to react? of course, i said i can't go. invitation at the eleventh hour, you think i so desperate meh. not tarik harga, but not cheap lidat mah. somemore said think i very busy. very clever! how he know this? got spy looking at me ah? don't give so many excuses lah. sad case. so long never see, no need to be like that mah. i am not stalker also. one point deducted from my confidence meter.

as if not yet die, another person gave me a kick in the stomach. someone that i don't know at all. accused me out of the blue of something that i did not do. i felt like the victim in justice pao movie, "yuen wong ahhhhhhhhh" (innocent ahhhhhhhh). after explaining, she finally believed me but the damage has been done to my weak heart and weaker soul. my hands shivering. my head spinning.

please, spare me. i can't take anymore.