after many months of just living next door to him, i finally bumped into tan sri in the lift on the way home, despite our very best effort to go for an earlier lift, but fate will have it that no lift was available until yang bahagia decided to join us. even lifts bow to the politically connected. sigh.
tan sri's bodyguard pressed the floor whilst the rest of us just stood quietly by. after what seemed like the longest time, it finally dawned on him that we didn't press any other floor. that's when it dawned on him. or that's when he started panicking and wonder if we have other hidden agendas. :-p slowly he turned to me and asked, "do you live in the same floor?". cheekily, i was waiting for that, and i replied, "we are your very noisy neighbours". that was a discreet apology for all those early morning door-bangings and children screaming across the hallway. tan sri said, "not so noisy". i turned to my daughter and said, "luckily, not so noisy".
when we enter into the safety of our home, it was all we could do not to burst into laughters on the floor. not so noisy. perhaps meaning that we are noisy indeed but still bearable. people in politics. always with the politically correct answer. *grins*
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
the land of the rising sun
came back from 6 days in the land of the rising sun, the first time that we ventured on our own in that country. there had always been an invisible wall holding us back from going it alone; perhaps it was the language barrier and the intimidating culture. what may seem like natural to us may be taboo to the tradition-filled country. however, what we needed and craved for this time around was some space, a slow-down in pace and a little breathing creche. the relatively safe country with wonderful food and organised transportation was just our ticket for a break.
it was a refreshing change, from the hurried pace of tour itinenaries, the get-down-shoot-go-back-to-the-bus style of group vacations. after so many times of visiting japan, this was the first that we had a more realistic and down-to-earth interaction with the local people. their culture, their people, their tradition emphasises heavily on outward appearance. consumer products are beautifully packaged for marketing, their youth dressed stylishly, even at the price of wearing hot sweaty boots in the dead of a hot spring day and high feet-crunching heels in a vast universal studio theme park. their manners abundant in the face of interaction with others. no one passes another in the hallway without at the very least a greeting for a good day. enter a restaurant, and staffs will be shouting long almost melodious lines of welcome at you, eventhough you cannot catch even one single word of what was uttered. for all i know, they could be saying, 'what? one more customer? we are busy as hell. please come back later'. well, still, they are saying it in a very nice and welcoming manner. women bow to their men when they get the bill for food, salespeople come over the counter to personally deliver your purchase to you and some even walk you to the door. i have yet to see a black sulking face in the land of the arigatos.
looking at the facade of what appears to be a common dwelling, they do not strive to be outlandish or different. they do not hang decorations or what-have-yous in the door of their house so that they will be able to tell their door apart from their neighbours during their drunken stupor. the evil character in ali baba story will have a hard time telling apart whose door is whose door. they are exactly the same. they do not strive to be different, instead they try their best to conform. perhaps when the door is opened, when one walks inside their houses can we see where they express their uniqueness. i did not have such an opportunity this time around but i can remember very vaguely when i did umpteenth years ago. the house that i visited did not appear to be any different from those i have seen in japanese movies. how, i wonder then, do they attempt to express their distinctness?
i love all japanese food, perhaps not so much their sickeningly sweet worcestershire sauce, which can be found on all things ranging from okonomiyaki to takoyaki but after 6 days of ramen, udon, katsu curry and not much else, i am a little tired of it all. perhaps the problem lies in that we do not recognise any other food than that which we already often have. we do not know how to order their more homely normal food. their japanese menus are nothing more than bean sprout wordings to me, and so we always end up ordering what we know, which in this foreign country, isn't much.
still, i like japan. a country that keeps its very best for themselves. a country that appear to be safe and transportation reliable. a country that show their very good side to strangers and is at the very least very polite. but to stay there for an extended period of time, it seems to be a little tiring. i wouldn't say malaysia is best, not even close but japan is a country that is most wonderful - for vacation.
it was a refreshing change, from the hurried pace of tour itinenaries, the get-down-shoot-go-back-to-the-bus style of group vacations. after so many times of visiting japan, this was the first that we had a more realistic and down-to-earth interaction with the local people. their culture, their people, their tradition emphasises heavily on outward appearance. consumer products are beautifully packaged for marketing, their youth dressed stylishly, even at the price of wearing hot sweaty boots in the dead of a hot spring day and high feet-crunching heels in a vast universal studio theme park. their manners abundant in the face of interaction with others. no one passes another in the hallway without at the very least a greeting for a good day. enter a restaurant, and staffs will be shouting long almost melodious lines of welcome at you, eventhough you cannot catch even one single word of what was uttered. for all i know, they could be saying, 'what? one more customer? we are busy as hell. please come back later'. well, still, they are saying it in a very nice and welcoming manner. women bow to their men when they get the bill for food, salespeople come over the counter to personally deliver your purchase to you and some even walk you to the door. i have yet to see a black sulking face in the land of the arigatos.
looking at the facade of what appears to be a common dwelling, they do not strive to be outlandish or different. they do not hang decorations or what-have-yous in the door of their house so that they will be able to tell their door apart from their neighbours during their drunken stupor. the evil character in ali baba story will have a hard time telling apart whose door is whose door. they are exactly the same. they do not strive to be different, instead they try their best to conform. perhaps when the door is opened, when one walks inside their houses can we see where they express their uniqueness. i did not have such an opportunity this time around but i can remember very vaguely when i did umpteenth years ago. the house that i visited did not appear to be any different from those i have seen in japanese movies. how, i wonder then, do they attempt to express their distinctness?
i love all japanese food, perhaps not so much their sickeningly sweet worcestershire sauce, which can be found on all things ranging from okonomiyaki to takoyaki but after 6 days of ramen, udon, katsu curry and not much else, i am a little tired of it all. perhaps the problem lies in that we do not recognise any other food than that which we already often have. we do not know how to order their more homely normal food. their japanese menus are nothing more than bean sprout wordings to me, and so we always end up ordering what we know, which in this foreign country, isn't much.
still, i like japan. a country that keeps its very best for themselves. a country that appear to be safe and transportation reliable. a country that show their very good side to strangers and is at the very least very polite. but to stay there for an extended period of time, it seems to be a little tiring. i wouldn't say malaysia is best, not even close but japan is a country that is most wonderful - for vacation.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
politically correct
after many months of just living next door to him, i finally bumped into tan sri in the lift on the way home, despite our very best effort to go for an earlier lift, but fate will have it that no lift was available until yang bahagia decided to join us. even lifts bow to the politically connected. sigh.
tan sri's bodyguard pressed the floor whilst the rest of us just stood quietly by. after what seemed like the longest time, it finally dawned on him that we didn't press any other floor. that's when it dawned on him. or that's when he started panicking and wonder if we have other hidden agendas. :-p slowly he turned to me and asked, "do you live on the same floor?". cheekily, i was waiting for that, and i replied, "we are your very noisy neighbours". that was a discreet apology for all those early morning door-bangings and children screaming across the hallway. tan sri said, "not so noisy". i turned to my daughter and said, "luckily, not so noisy".
when we enter into the safety of our home, it was all we could do not to burst into laughters and roll on the floor. not so noisy. perhaps meaning that we are noisy indeed but still bearable. people in politics. always with the politically correct answer. *grins*
tan sri's bodyguard pressed the floor whilst the rest of us just stood quietly by. after what seemed like the longest time, it finally dawned on him that we didn't press any other floor. that's when it dawned on him. or that's when he started panicking and wonder if we have other hidden agendas. :-p slowly he turned to me and asked, "do you live on the same floor?". cheekily, i was waiting for that, and i replied, "we are your very noisy neighbours". that was a discreet apology for all those early morning door-bangings and children screaming across the hallway. tan sri said, "not so noisy". i turned to my daughter and said, "luckily, not so noisy".
when we enter into the safety of our home, it was all we could do not to burst into laughters and roll on the floor. not so noisy. perhaps meaning that we are noisy indeed but still bearable. people in politics. always with the politically correct answer. *grins*
Saturday, September 19, 2009
a complicated life we live in
sometimes, i don't get the world.
young master came home one day after school and went straight to my room. his mother wasn't home from work. he needs a batch of cookies for school tomorrow, the home-made type and not those straight from boxes. it was a tad inconvenient perhaps, being the eleventh hour and all but since i have all the necessary ingredients in the fridge, all i had to lose was time.
so, off we went, with all the ingredients piled high in our hands to the kitchen we were a-baking. i'm no professional baker and most attempts end up in failure. still, a batch of cookies i can whip up. edible or not, that is a different question altogether. halfway through the baking session, which he insisted he had to do by himself, i shooed him off for his tuiton and homework.
by dinner time, the mouth-watering aroma filled the kitchen. young master hasn't finished his marathon tuiton session. his mother, who has just returned from work, joined the rest of us at the dinner table. whilst i was still tending to the biscuits, lady of the house was telling the rest how inept i was at baking. hahaha, a fact which i do not deny nor am offended about. young master's mother was bewildered. why was i baking cookies for her son? how come she doesn't know anything about it? she completed dinner faster than you can say abracadabra, and stormed off in the direction of her son's room. nobody could find her. much much later, her son came down and looked moody. apparently his mother had threw a fit and told him never to ask for her help again.
sigh.
so dramatic.
which leaves me very confused. what was the big faux pas here? was he supposed to wait until his mother come back from work, which can sometimes be very late, or was he suppose to give her a call first to get her permission? her permission to seek help from others, a family member nonetheless. what should have been my politically correct response? was i supposed to have rejected her son's plea for help? i may be branded cold and heartless. was i suppose to give her a call first to check if it was alright? i am not one to call for attention to the kind and helpful side of me and to gloat for glory. to do or not to do? something that should have been so straightforward, something that should have been so simple. i really don't understand why things must be so complicated.
young master came home one day after school and went straight to my room. his mother wasn't home from work. he needs a batch of cookies for school tomorrow, the home-made type and not those straight from boxes. it was a tad inconvenient perhaps, being the eleventh hour and all but since i have all the necessary ingredients in the fridge, all i had to lose was time.
so, off we went, with all the ingredients piled high in our hands to the kitchen we were a-baking. i'm no professional baker and most attempts end up in failure. still, a batch of cookies i can whip up. edible or not, that is a different question altogether. halfway through the baking session, which he insisted he had to do by himself, i shooed him off for his tuiton and homework.
by dinner time, the mouth-watering aroma filled the kitchen. young master hasn't finished his marathon tuiton session. his mother, who has just returned from work, joined the rest of us at the dinner table. whilst i was still tending to the biscuits, lady of the house was telling the rest how inept i was at baking. hahaha, a fact which i do not deny nor am offended about. young master's mother was bewildered. why was i baking cookies for her son? how come she doesn't know anything about it? she completed dinner faster than you can say abracadabra, and stormed off in the direction of her son's room. nobody could find her. much much later, her son came down and looked moody. apparently his mother had threw a fit and told him never to ask for her help again.
sigh.
so dramatic.
which leaves me very confused. what was the big faux pas here? was he supposed to wait until his mother come back from work, which can sometimes be very late, or was he suppose to give her a call first to get her permission? her permission to seek help from others, a family member nonetheless. what should have been my politically correct response? was i supposed to have rejected her son's plea for help? i may be branded cold and heartless. was i suppose to give her a call first to check if it was alright? i am not one to call for attention to the kind and helpful side of me and to gloat for glory. to do or not to do? something that should have been so straightforward, something that should have been so simple. i really don't understand why things must be so complicated.
Friday, September 18, 2009
getting on with 38
birthday this year started out on a sour note. sometimes it's better when some people remain complacent and immobile about the day rather than tinge it with their insincerity. i wouldn't mind so much if people forgot about it so much as they expect me to take an active participation in organising the day.
it was a good day nonetheless. had a wonderful lunch with friends, laughing and joking. that's what i think the best birthdays are all about; good friends, laughter and good food. and in the evening, a few glasses of white to wash down the teppanyaki dinner. ahhhhhhh, what else is there to ask for?
it was a good day nonetheless. had a wonderful lunch with friends, laughing and joking. that's what i think the best birthdays are all about; good friends, laughter and good food. and in the evening, a few glasses of white to wash down the teppanyaki dinner. ahhhhhhh, what else is there to ask for?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
explosion imminent
when your stomach is so full, to the brink of explosion, it severely affects your work performance. hence all those correction tape marks in my work today, boss. honest. nothing to do with my skill or professionalism. you eat too much, leads to your stomach being so uncomfortable, leads to difficulty in concentration with your belly in the way, leads also to sleepiness when the digestion sets in, which finally leads to all types of mistake in your work. *yawn* see? it's not my fault. it's my friend's. for buying me such a wonderful lunch.
haha. how ungrateful. there goes my free lunch from now on. :-p
haha. how ungrateful. there goes my free lunch from now on. :-p
Monday, September 14, 2009
celebratory
an ex-boyfriend offered to buy me lunch in celebration of my birthday.
i don't know what to say to that; i sit here, fingers hovering over the keyboard, not knowing what to type next. inappropriate? i feel not. he is like any other friend now, why can't he offer to buy me lunch? it is harmless at best; it is only treading on dangerous waters if there is even an inkling of anything more. everything that was in the past is in the past. i can't even remember the details of our relationship anymore, be it significant or immaterial. it's like a slate wiped clean. i don't know how i do it, erase everything with such finality and entirety. did i ever like him? how did i like him? i cannot remember. i look into my heart, there is nothing there except a vacant echoing nook.
when i enter into a relationship, i jump in with both feet, totally devoted, totally commited. when things don't work and it ends, i walk out and close that chapter of my life, not looking back, never looking back. i ask myself sometimes, who is he to me but the picture looking back at me is no longer attractive, no more calling my name, like a distant stranger. how i can remove myself with such detachment, i do not know.
sounds cold perhaps. but it feels good. to keep my life so pure and simple.
so, did i accept his invitation? i told him that his intentions are good enough and received, thank you very much.
life should be kept simple. if not for me, then for my partner's peace of mind, eventhough some may argue that he has more faith in me than that, it is the little that i can do for him. what would lunch with a friend bring for me? a gladness that someone remembers. and i already have that.
i don't know what to say to that; i sit here, fingers hovering over the keyboard, not knowing what to type next. inappropriate? i feel not. he is like any other friend now, why can't he offer to buy me lunch? it is harmless at best; it is only treading on dangerous waters if there is even an inkling of anything more. everything that was in the past is in the past. i can't even remember the details of our relationship anymore, be it significant or immaterial. it's like a slate wiped clean. i don't know how i do it, erase everything with such finality and entirety. did i ever like him? how did i like him? i cannot remember. i look into my heart, there is nothing there except a vacant echoing nook.
when i enter into a relationship, i jump in with both feet, totally devoted, totally commited. when things don't work and it ends, i walk out and close that chapter of my life, not looking back, never looking back. i ask myself sometimes, who is he to me but the picture looking back at me is no longer attractive, no more calling my name, like a distant stranger. how i can remove myself with such detachment, i do not know.
sounds cold perhaps. but it feels good. to keep my life so pure and simple.
so, did i accept his invitation? i told him that his intentions are good enough and received, thank you very much.
life should be kept simple. if not for me, then for my partner's peace of mind, eventhough some may argue that he has more faith in me than that, it is the little that i can do for him. what would lunch with a friend bring for me? a gladness that someone remembers. and i already have that.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
the complicated web we weave
sometimes, i don't get the world.
young master came home one day after school and went straight to my room. his mother wasn't home from work. he needs a batch of cookies for school tomorrow, the home-made type and not those straight from boxes. it was a tad inconvenient perhaps, being the eleventh hour and all but since i have all the necessary ingredients in the fridge, all i had to lose was time.
so, off we went, with all the ingredients piled high in our hands to the kitchen we were a-baking. i'm no professional baker and most attempts end up in failure. still, a batch of cookies i can whip up. edible or not, that is a different question altogether. halfway through the baking session, which he insisted he had to do by himself, i shooed him off for his tuiton and homework.
by dinner time, the mouth-watering aroma filled the kitchen. young master hasn't finished his marathon tuiton session. his mother, who has just returned from work, joined the rest of us at the dinner table. whilst i was still tending to the biscuits, lady of the house was telling the rest how inept i was at baking. hahaha, a fact which i do not deny nor am offended about. young master's mother was bewildered. why was i baking cookies for her son? how come she doesn't know anything about it? she completed dinner faster than you can say abracadabra, and stormed off in the direction of her son's room. nobody could find her. much much later, her son came down and looked moody. apparently his mother had threw a fit and told him never to ask for her help again.
sigh.
so dramatic.
which leaves me very confused. what was the big faux pas here? was he supposed to wait until his mother come back from work, which can sometimes be very late, or was he suppose to give her a call first to get her permission? her permission to seek help from others, a family member nonetheless. what should have been my politically correct response? was i supposed to have rejected her son's plea for help? i may be branded cold and heartless. was i suppose to give her a call first to check if it was alright? i am not one to call for attention to the kind and helpful side of me and to gloat for glory. to do or not to do? something that should have been so straightforward, something that should have been so simple. i really don't understand why things must be so complicated.
young master came home one day after school and went straight to my room. his mother wasn't home from work. he needs a batch of cookies for school tomorrow, the home-made type and not those straight from boxes. it was a tad inconvenient perhaps, being the eleventh hour and all but since i have all the necessary ingredients in the fridge, all i had to lose was time.
so, off we went, with all the ingredients piled high in our hands to the kitchen we were a-baking. i'm no professional baker and most attempts end up in failure. still, a batch of cookies i can whip up. edible or not, that is a different question altogether. halfway through the baking session, which he insisted he had to do by himself, i shooed him off for his tuiton and homework.
by dinner time, the mouth-watering aroma filled the kitchen. young master hasn't finished his marathon tuiton session. his mother, who has just returned from work, joined the rest of us at the dinner table. whilst i was still tending to the biscuits, lady of the house was telling the rest how inept i was at baking. hahaha, a fact which i do not deny nor am offended about. young master's mother was bewildered. why was i baking cookies for her son? how come she doesn't know anything about it? she completed dinner faster than you can say abracadabra, and stormed off in the direction of her son's room. nobody could find her. much much later, her son came down and looked moody. apparently his mother had threw a fit and told him never to ask for her help again.
sigh.
so dramatic.
which leaves me very confused. what was the big faux pas here? was he supposed to wait until his mother come back from work, which can sometimes be very late, or was he suppose to give her a call first to get her permission? her permission to seek help from others, a family member nonetheless. what should have been my politically correct response? was i supposed to have rejected her son's plea for help? i may be branded cold and heartless. was i suppose to give her a call first to check if it was alright? i am not one to call for attention to the kind and helpful side of me and to gloat for glory. to do or not to do? something that should have been so straightforward, something that should have been so simple. i really don't understand why things must be so complicated.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
...and they came in pairs.
looking at my facebook's friends list, i know 2 andrews, 2 annies, 2 garys, 2 ivans, 2 jackies, 2 noels and 2 stanleys. i feel like i'm collecting a noah's ark.
time for tea
yesterday, had tea once more with our two budding bosses. it has been a very long time since our last tea session. time has driven an invisible wall between friends. once we could talk about everything, now it takes time to warm up again. once we laughed over anything under the sun, now laughters sounded a little strained.
our tea sessions have never been anything more than just plain gibberish, chatting about anything and everything to let out a little steam in our life. taking a little time off from our daily, hectic yet mundane life to simply talk, listen and connect. the pureness of friendship.
lately, things have been changing. life changes all the time. our tea sessions have been slowly dwindling away. have we run out of topics to talk about? from our yet another gibberish session yesterday, i hardly think so. perhaps the tapering is due to the ackward positions we hold in our lives. no one lives for himself and himself alone. striking a delicate balance between our desire to lighten the hurculean load on the shoulders, even if only for a little while, through harmless pointless banters and the feelings of close and dear is a mighty, and very stressful, task. then again, i speak for myself only. them, they are just plain busy.
so, time and circumstances have driven a cold draft back to my disposition. yet i can't help it. i am not one to open up easily to strangers. i hold back, i protect, i hide. that is me. yet i regard them still as friends. as close as any friends can be. because of all our pointless banters.
our tea sessions have never been anything more than just plain gibberish, chatting about anything and everything to let out a little steam in our life. taking a little time off from our daily, hectic yet mundane life to simply talk, listen and connect. the pureness of friendship.
lately, things have been changing. life changes all the time. our tea sessions have been slowly dwindling away. have we run out of topics to talk about? from our yet another gibberish session yesterday, i hardly think so. perhaps the tapering is due to the ackward positions we hold in our lives. no one lives for himself and himself alone. striking a delicate balance between our desire to lighten the hurculean load on the shoulders, even if only for a little while, through harmless pointless banters and the feelings of close and dear is a mighty, and very stressful, task. then again, i speak for myself only. them, they are just plain busy.
so, time and circumstances have driven a cold draft back to my disposition. yet i can't help it. i am not one to open up easily to strangers. i hold back, i protect, i hide. that is me. yet i regard them still as friends. as close as any friends can be. because of all our pointless banters.
Friday, September 11, 2009
life's choices
5.30pm.
the end of another hard day's work.
he is pounding hard on the threadmill, working out the day's tension and getting the blood pumping through his veins. the boss joins him downstairs at the gym. the two worked quietly side by side, sweat poring through the pores. he walking briskly, the boss cycling. the only sound emanating from the room is from the television. the men worked out in ackward silence.
after what seems like the longest time, the boss turned to him and asked, 'so, how much did you buy today?', referring to a business transaction that they were working on. not the strangest question to be ever uttered between boss and employee. except that he is also his father-in-law. and they have rarely talked about anything else besides work. and that the rest of the family have also rarely talked to the boss about anything else besides work.
life. it's all about your choices in life. who is to say it is worth it or not?
the end of another hard day's work.
he is pounding hard on the threadmill, working out the day's tension and getting the blood pumping through his veins. the boss joins him downstairs at the gym. the two worked quietly side by side, sweat poring through the pores. he walking briskly, the boss cycling. the only sound emanating from the room is from the television. the men worked out in ackward silence.
after what seems like the longest time, the boss turned to him and asked, 'so, how much did you buy today?', referring to a business transaction that they were working on. not the strangest question to be ever uttered between boss and employee. except that he is also his father-in-law. and they have rarely talked about anything else besides work. and that the rest of the family have also rarely talked to the boss about anything else besides work.
life. it's all about your choices in life. who is to say it is worth it or not?
amazing discovery!
i have a new discovery that i will like to share with you. apparently, western women will not die from being knocked down by a car. i haven't discover the reason for their seeming natural immunity to road accidents yet, but i vow to never rest until i can uncover the truth behind their very well protected secret.
today morning, as my car was turning the bend, a couple of blondes were walking in the middle of the road. their confidence of exercising right in the middle of the road stems from their knowledge that they won't die even if a car was to knock them down at full speed. of course. however, being gracious and knowing that they are obstructing traffic, the lady on the left spied an approaching car with the corner of her eye, which has by now slowed to a crawl to follow the women, and slowly dragged her feet to one side of the road. she was insistent that she does not in any way alter the slow tempo of her exercise and so, was adamant about strolling slowly away. it is quite amazing. researchers the whole wide over will be most interested in dissecting these two breed of women in order to discover what is it that cause them to be so fearless in the face of death, or if indeed they are naturally protected from the forces of fast moving cars.
today morning, as my car was turning the bend, a couple of blondes were walking in the middle of the road. their confidence of exercising right in the middle of the road stems from their knowledge that they won't die even if a car was to knock them down at full speed. of course. however, being gracious and knowing that they are obstructing traffic, the lady on the left spied an approaching car with the corner of her eye, which has by now slowed to a crawl to follow the women, and slowly dragged her feet to one side of the road. she was insistent that she does not in any way alter the slow tempo of her exercise and so, was adamant about strolling slowly away. it is quite amazing. researchers the whole wide over will be most interested in dissecting these two breed of women in order to discover what is it that cause them to be so fearless in the face of death, or if indeed they are naturally protected from the forces of fast moving cars.
time for tea
yesterday, had tea once more with our two budding bosses. it has been a very long time since our last tea session. time has driven an invisible wall between friends. once we could talk about everything, now it takes time to warm up again. once we laughed over anything under the sun, now laughters sounded a little strained.
our tea sessions have never been anything more than just plain gibberish, chatting about anything and everything to let out a little steam in our life. taking a little time off from our daily, hectic yet mundane life to simply talk, listen and connect. the pureness of friendship.
lately, things have been changing. life changes all the time. our tea sessions have been slowly dwindling away. have we run out of topics to talk about? from our yet another gibberish session yesterday, i hardly think so. perhaps the tapering is due to the ackward positions we hold in our lives. no one lives for himself and himself alone. striking a delicate balance between our desire to lighten the hurculean load on the shoulders, even if only for a little while, through harmless pointless banters and the feelings of close and dear is a mighty, and very stressful, task. then again, i speak for myself only. them, they are just plain busy.
so, time and circumstances have driven a cold draft back to my disposition. yet i can't help it. i am not one to open up easily to strangers. i hold back, i protect, i hide. that is me. yet i regard them still as friends. as close as any friends can be. because of all our pointless banters.
our tea sessions have never been anything more than just plain gibberish, chatting about anything and everything to let out a little steam in our life. taking a little time off from our daily, hectic yet mundane life to simply talk, listen and connect. the pureness of friendship.
lately, things have been changing. life changes all the time. our tea sessions have been slowly dwindling away. have we run out of topics to talk about? from our yet another gibberish session yesterday, i hardly think so. perhaps the tapering is due to the ackward positions we hold in our lives. no one lives for himself and himself alone. striking a delicate balance between our desire to lighten the hurculean load on the shoulders, even if only for a little while, through harmless pointless banters and the feelings of close and dear is a mighty, and very stressful, task. then again, i speak for myself only. them, they are just plain busy.
so, time and circumstances have driven a cold draft back to my disposition. yet i can't help it. i am not one to open up easily to strangers. i hold back, i protect, i hide. that is me. yet i regard them still as friends. as close as any friends can be. because of all our pointless banters.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
choices
5.30pm.
the end of another hard day's work.
he is pounding hard on the threadmill, working out the day's tension and getting the blood pumping through his veins. the boss joins him downstairs at the gym. the two worked quietly side by side, sweat poring through the pores. he walking briskly, the boss cycling. the only sound emanating from the room is from the television. the men worked out in ackward silence.
after what seems like the longest time, the boss turned to him and asked, 'so, how much did you buy today?', referring to a business transaction that they were working on. not the strangest question to be ever uttered between boss and employee. except that he is also his father-in-law. and they have rarely talked about anything else besides work. and that the rest of the family have also rarely talked to the boss about anything else besides work.
life. it's all about your choices in life. who is to say it is worth it or not?
the end of another hard day's work.
he is pounding hard on the threadmill, working out the day's tension and getting the blood pumping through his veins. the boss joins him downstairs at the gym. the two worked quietly side by side, sweat poring through the pores. he walking briskly, the boss cycling. the only sound emanating from the room is from the television. the men worked out in ackward silence.
after what seems like the longest time, the boss turned to him and asked, 'so, how much did you buy today?', referring to a business transaction that they were working on. not the strangest question to be ever uttered between boss and employee. except that he is also his father-in-law. and they have rarely talked about anything else besides work. and that the rest of the family have also rarely talked to the boss about anything else besides work.
life. it's all about your choices in life. who is to say it is worth it or not?
ring, ring........it's for you
still remember the good old days when you don't have this nagging troublesome bothersome thing by your side? that you are free to roam, without a care for time or place? that you don't need to have a thought for any other? and no whiny spoilt mega-attention-caller noise will shrill incessantly in your ear, demanding that you drop everything on your hands and listen attentively?
i am, of course, talking about my handphone. it doesn't get any more appealing just because i just changed to a pink one. it still demands my attention at the most frustrating of times; like when i am in the bathroom, when i am just about to fall asleep, when i am in the midst of enjoying my meal. of course, it doesn't ring when i am in a boring meeting, waiting for any divine intervention to come save me from dying a very slow and torturous death. the thing is evil, i tell you.
i do remember, the good old times, when someone asked me for my handphone number and i answered, 'oh, i don't usually switch it on', and it was fine, it was acceptable. nobody shrinks from you in a heartbeat as if you are some strange alien from another planet. nobody leaves their phone on 24/7 in that era (anybody commenting that it must have been a very long time ago can consider themselves dead meat). the other day, a colleague mentioned to me that he can always be contacted, that he leaves his phone on 24/7. my immediate thought was 'so? who doesn't? what's the big deal?'. from being a luxury, it has become a necessity, a part of the human anatomy even.
so, can you live one whole day without your handphone? can I live one whole day without my phone? i gladly can, and i gladly will, if i am not being seriously reprimanded as being irresponsible for not carrying my phone around like a new-born baby in need of constant nourishment. by my own flesh and blood nonetheless. he deems it irresponsible. sigh. i didn't see that coming. it's no longer normal to leave your handphone in your room and go down for dinner. it's not normal to exist independently without your handphone for a matter of few hours. people have to be at the beck and call of others within the blink of an eye. all these must be improving communication between people by a vast margin. but yet i don't see it.
i miss the ring-free days. i miss being uncontactable. perhaps that's why i love vacationing in the u.s. of a and japan. where they have a totally different type of tele-communication system than ours and our handphones are rendered useless. but then they had to come up with 3g!!! i will seriously have to consider spending some vacation time in some remote uncivilised uninhabitated island. to escape from the evil shrilling sound of ......THE HANDPHONE!
i am, of course, talking about my handphone. it doesn't get any more appealing just because i just changed to a pink one. it still demands my attention at the most frustrating of times; like when i am in the bathroom, when i am just about to fall asleep, when i am in the midst of enjoying my meal. of course, it doesn't ring when i am in a boring meeting, waiting for any divine intervention to come save me from dying a very slow and torturous death. the thing is evil, i tell you.
i do remember, the good old times, when someone asked me for my handphone number and i answered, 'oh, i don't usually switch it on', and it was fine, it was acceptable. nobody shrinks from you in a heartbeat as if you are some strange alien from another planet. nobody leaves their phone on 24/7 in that era (anybody commenting that it must have been a very long time ago can consider themselves dead meat). the other day, a colleague mentioned to me that he can always be contacted, that he leaves his phone on 24/7. my immediate thought was 'so? who doesn't? what's the big deal?'. from being a luxury, it has become a necessity, a part of the human anatomy even.
so, can you live one whole day without your handphone? can I live one whole day without my phone? i gladly can, and i gladly will, if i am not being seriously reprimanded as being irresponsible for not carrying my phone around like a new-born baby in need of constant nourishment. by my own flesh and blood nonetheless. he deems it irresponsible. sigh. i didn't see that coming. it's no longer normal to leave your handphone in your room and go down for dinner. it's not normal to exist independently without your handphone for a matter of few hours. people have to be at the beck and call of others within the blink of an eye. all these must be improving communication between people by a vast margin. but yet i don't see it.
i miss the ring-free days. i miss being uncontactable. perhaps that's why i love vacationing in the u.s. of a and japan. where they have a totally different type of tele-communication system than ours and our handphones are rendered useless. but then they had to come up with 3g!!! i will seriously have to consider spending some vacation time in some remote uncivilised uninhabitated island. to escape from the evil shrilling sound of ......THE HANDPHONE!
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
i'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world
i feel like a barbie doll today.
and my owner just rotated my leg 360 degrees.
both right and left.
umpteenth times
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
a peek into my day
was woken from my deep slumber by a faint toot-toot-toot sound emanating from my right side. when i begin to realise that the irritating sound plays no part in my dream, consciousness filter through the thick blanket of slumber and the details of my dream began to vaporise.
thus began my day. sleepwalked to the bathroom, emerged wide awake, prepared breakfast and lunch to feed the ever-hungry ones, hit their little bums to hurry them out of the door, sat down for a little brekkie myself with the other half, along with some side order of newspaper. when he was also off for another day's worth of paycheck, i decided to venture out on a little adventure of my own. to the gym i will go, heigh ho, heigh ho.
for all the 4, or was it 5, years that i have been staying there, i have never visited the in-house gym. walked past it many a times but the quiet, dark room has always been a little intimidating. if it was dark and quiet, it would have been fine. however, i can just imagine all these fit, beefy looking people in tight fitting clothes, without an ounce of fat on their body, looking every inch a mr universe, or a miss universe, working out side by side with me. gyms are not for beautiful looking people. they already look good enough, go out somewhere and flaunt it. gyms are for people with love handles, elephant thighs and jiggling bits to pant, pound, exert and sweat in order to look like them. they should ban all those already-fit looking people from the gym. return only when you start to look like one of us; the normal a-little-greedy, a-little-unfit, a-little-jiggly part of the population.
today i was ready for a little ackwardness, i have put on my thick-skin face. with a reader's digest in hand, so that i can suavely walk past the gym with my face deeply engrossed in the book should it be full of those fit beautiful creatures, i headed off for the gym. and to my surprise, it was dark and empty, as usual. with 240 units in the condominium, and an average occupancy of 4 persons per household, making a total of 960 people living in that place of dwelling, not 1, not a single soul, will come down for a little bit of panting and gasping at 8.30am in the morning. perhaps they are doing some panting and gasping already in their unit :-p.
so, i was left blissfully alone for my very first virgin visit to the gym in my condo, where i sweated a little, panted a little and overall did my body some good, even if only marginably better than my usual imitation of a couch potato.
by 9am, i was back up in my unit, resting on the sofa waiting for the body to cool down once more before i hit the shower. it was an energetic morning. after the good workout, at 9am in the morning, i was ready to...... drift back to sleep. smelly clothes and all. having woken up at 6.30am, i want to crawl back to sleep. so badly. but my day has begun and even if only in lethargic mode, i will continue. whoever says exercise makes you more alert?
:-p
thus began my day. sleepwalked to the bathroom, emerged wide awake, prepared breakfast and lunch to feed the ever-hungry ones, hit their little bums to hurry them out of the door, sat down for a little brekkie myself with the other half, along with some side order of newspaper. when he was also off for another day's worth of paycheck, i decided to venture out on a little adventure of my own. to the gym i will go, heigh ho, heigh ho.
for all the 4, or was it 5, years that i have been staying there, i have never visited the in-house gym. walked past it many a times but the quiet, dark room has always been a little intimidating. if it was dark and quiet, it would have been fine. however, i can just imagine all these fit, beefy looking people in tight fitting clothes, without an ounce of fat on their body, looking every inch a mr universe, or a miss universe, working out side by side with me. gyms are not for beautiful looking people. they already look good enough, go out somewhere and flaunt it. gyms are for people with love handles, elephant thighs and jiggling bits to pant, pound, exert and sweat in order to look like them. they should ban all those already-fit looking people from the gym. return only when you start to look like one of us; the normal a-little-greedy, a-little-unfit, a-little-jiggly part of the population.
today i was ready for a little ackwardness, i have put on my thick-skin face. with a reader's digest in hand, so that i can suavely walk past the gym with my face deeply engrossed in the book should it be full of those fit beautiful creatures, i headed off for the gym. and to my surprise, it was dark and empty, as usual. with 240 units in the condominium, and an average occupancy of 4 persons per household, making a total of 960 people living in that place of dwelling, not 1, not a single soul, will come down for a little bit of panting and gasping at 8.30am in the morning. perhaps they are doing some panting and gasping already in their unit :-p.
so, i was left blissfully alone for my very first virgin visit to the gym in my condo, where i sweated a little, panted a little and overall did my body some good, even if only marginably better than my usual imitation of a couch potato.
by 9am, i was back up in my unit, resting on the sofa waiting for the body to cool down once more before i hit the shower. it was an energetic morning. after the good workout, at 9am in the morning, i was ready to...... drift back to sleep. smelly clothes and all. having woken up at 6.30am, i want to crawl back to sleep. so badly. but my day has begun and even if only in lethargic mode, i will continue. whoever says exercise makes you more alert?
:-p
Monday, September 07, 2009
a tale unfolds
funny how life is like a movie, or a thick novel. slowly the story unfolds, page by page, day by day. the scene changes, the characters changes, everything changes. over time, i've been telling a story in this blog of mine. perhaps not in such an obvious manner but now i link together the stories that were told.
http://2ching.blogspot.com/2008/03/of-life-and-living.html
http://2ching.blogspot.com/2009/03/whole-lifetime.html.
now, 6 months down the road, he is being introduced to blind dates. it seemed like just yesterday that she left, that i touched her cold, still body for a pulse. the image is still too vividly stuck in my mind's eye.
yet, can you blame him? there isn't a correct or wrong length of time to grieve. here is a man who has always had someone to take care of him since his first breath on earth. first his mother, then his sister, and straight on into the laps of his wife. a man who never had to do any housework for even one day or even cook for himself. a man whose answer to a pile of unwashed undergarments is to buy some more new ones. is his a tale of a man blissfully sheltered all his life, or the sad story of one who has always needed others?
we laugh at the stories of his blind dates gone wrong. we gleefully accept that he needs someone in his life to take care of him. friends and families eagerly look for someone to hold his hand for the rest of the journey. have we forgotten? did we close the chapter on 20 years of marriage and a whole lifetime? perhaps one can love many at the same time, perhaps to love does not mean not to grieve.
i steal a glance at him. he does not look sad. he does not look lonely. perhaps he is a master of disguises. or perhaps only at night, when all is dark and silent, and the spot beside him on the bed is cold and empty. a whole lifetime together and it ends like this. only when it is dark and silent.
it would have been poetic to have just ended at the previous paragraph. but i see no joy in wishing for a man to pine pointlessly for someone who has gone. i do injustice in claiming that i do not see him grieve. grieve is his and his alone, he does not have to show, me or anyone else. 6 months down the road, he has a new lease on life. i wish him well.
http://2ching.blogspot.com/2008/03/of-life-and-living.html
http://2ching.blogspot.com/2009/03/whole-lifetime.html.
that was then. this is now.
we didn't know why, when, how, why and what . time revealed all. one year later, she was gone, all the mystery unveiled. now we know when, what and how. we still don't understand the 'why', why one can stand passively by the sidelines, watching her waste away a little each day. i don't think we will ever understand. still, it was their decision. we can sigh, we can grieve, we can say a million times over what a senseless waste it was, but ultimately, it was her life on her handsnow, 6 months down the road, he is being introduced to blind dates. it seemed like just yesterday that she left, that i touched her cold, still body for a pulse. the image is still too vividly stuck in my mind's eye.
yet, can you blame him? there isn't a correct or wrong length of time to grieve. here is a man who has always had someone to take care of him since his first breath on earth. first his mother, then his sister, and straight on into the laps of his wife. a man who never had to do any housework for even one day or even cook for himself. a man whose answer to a pile of unwashed undergarments is to buy some more new ones. is his a tale of a man blissfully sheltered all his life, or the sad story of one who has always needed others?
we laugh at the stories of his blind dates gone wrong. we gleefully accept that he needs someone in his life to take care of him. friends and families eagerly look for someone to hold his hand for the rest of the journey. have we forgotten? did we close the chapter on 20 years of marriage and a whole lifetime? perhaps one can love many at the same time, perhaps to love does not mean not to grieve.
i steal a glance at him. he does not look sad. he does not look lonely. perhaps he is a master of disguises. or perhaps only at night, when all is dark and silent, and the spot beside him on the bed is cold and empty. a whole lifetime together and it ends like this. only when it is dark and silent.
it would have been poetic to have just ended at the previous paragraph. but i see no joy in wishing for a man to pine pointlessly for someone who has gone. i do injustice in claiming that i do not see him grieve. grieve is his and his alone, he does not have to show, me or anyone else. 6 months down the road, he has a new lease on life. i wish him well.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
the sun stole a kiss without my knowing it
came back with a slight sunburn without even knowing it. i looked into the mirror and saw a woman with a very healthy (over)glow looking back at me. didn't give the reddish nose and rosy cheeks a second thought, though looking back my face did feel tighter and a little chafed. over time, the rudolph nose started chapping and peeling. only then did it struck me that indeed, i was sunburnt, from too much fun under the sun. whilst wearing a jacket. with a fog enveloping me. in genting.
how does one arrive in genting all cold and freezing, jumping on one foot to the other to keep warm and leave with a sunburn?
how does one arrive in genting all cold and freezing, jumping on one foot to the other to keep warm and leave with a sunburn?
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
the day when heaven cries
i love rainy days. days when the sky is gloomy and it is wet and cold all around. when the pitter patter of raindrops is like a soothing lullaby to my soul. when the positive ions in the air re-energises my spirit.
i realise lately that it rains on the funerals of some people. on some category of people with specifications and requirements that i do not understand. it rains during the final journeys of some ...but yet not others. i can only imagine that these people are tender people. people who have never hurt another soul in their lives. good people. people that the heaven above feels sad for bringing away. people that makes the sky weeps. i have attended two funerals this year and on both funerals, the sky opened briefly and pour down a little tears.
now, on dark gloomy days, on days that make me feel good and recharges the essence that is me, i feel a little sad. that somewhere someplace another good person has passed away.
i realise lately that it rains on the funerals of some people. on some category of people with specifications and requirements that i do not understand. it rains during the final journeys of some ...but yet not others. i can only imagine that these people are tender people. people who have never hurt another soul in their lives. good people. people that the heaven above feels sad for bringing away. people that makes the sky weeps. i have attended two funerals this year and on both funerals, the sky opened briefly and pour down a little tears.
now, on dark gloomy days, on days that make me feel good and recharges the essence that is me, i feel a little sad. that somewhere someplace another good person has passed away.
hello
he asked, how come mr. x never greets me in the office anymore? eventhough he greets everyone else and most certainly those directly related to the boss. it seems, he has become invisible. which is strange, because he is never one to step on anyone else's shoes, nor one for rough words or loud voice. always polite to others, it dawned on him suddenly that mr. x seems to have ceased acknowledging his existence.
is it shallowness? he is still related to the boss, so it seems illogical. or was mr. x offended by him because of some work issues. but perhaps in ways that even he is not made aware of. maybe mr. x is stuck with some shares that he cannot sell because of him? sometimes our work is not who we are but is what others see of us and who they imagine we become.
is it shallowness? he is still related to the boss, so it seems illogical. or was mr. x offended by him because of some work issues. but perhaps in ways that even he is not made aware of. maybe mr. x is stuck with some shares that he cannot sell because of him? sometimes our work is not who we are but is what others see of us and who they imagine we become.
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