am i a mushroom or what?

do i look like a mushroom?

i wish people will stop feeding me freaking bullshit!

it is most frustrating - to look someone in the eye and pretend to accept what they say at face value, whilst deep down you know that it is nothing but crap. you have to mute your conscience and fix a gullible stare in your eyes. all the while, you only want to shout and scream at them for being so stupid, so careless.

i don't know how long i can keep up this facade of naivety. my job scope entails that i know a lot about other people's skeletons in their closet and my usually blur look misleads people into believing so. i do not profess otherwise either.

i am often a good listener...and so people like to tell me things. things which, upon comparison, conflict with other people's version of the story.

sigh! from these various routes comes my knowledge of the thruth. it is how i know they are lying straight to my face. still, i stand there and listen, while they feed me heaps after heapful of bullshit. i sometimes wonder why is it that it is i who cannot look at them in the eye, when it should be the other way around. perhaps it is the fact that i know the thruth and i am purposely (?) misleading them with my silence and because of that, i am also guilty of lying.

i hate lies. lies with good intention and lies of all sorts. i react to a person based on what i know, what i see, what i hear and what i believe. if you say bad things about me, i will be angry. if you are nice to me, i will be happy. it should be a simple equation. imagine if all that is just a farce. what you see is not what you get, what you hear is not the thruth, how then do you react? if everything is not what it seems, how can you form a genuine reaction? even with all good intention, a lie is a lie. if i ask 'am i fat?' and you reply 'no', i may be tempted to wear that short mini-skirt or eat another piece of cake. all the while though, your mind is comparing me to the elephant you saw in the national geographic channel. isn't that betrayal of some sort? perhaps some women like to hear beautiful lies. as i always say, i don't mind hearing lies but never ever let me even have an inkling of the thruth. as it is, the thruth is hard to keep away and so, i rather hear the cold hard thruth.

many readers don't like it when i am serious like this. however, i thought i should at least be true to myself. if this is how i am feeling, this is what i will be writing. nobody will be forever happy, the vice versa also rings true. if i am agitated, you will probably read a rambling post like this. the good thing is .....i feel much better after leaving it all here.

*grins* bear with me.