one cup of coffee is one cup too much.
i'll come back to that in a bit.
i survived yesterday's meeting and return to my place in front of the computer in one piece. i double-checked and can definitely confirm that the strange specimen indeed did not possess eight tentacles and two heads. he did have a peculiar tendency to call attention to his non-existent six packs, though. (if i did not get in trouble for the 'boy' reference thing, i'm sure to get it for this one. haha.) there was a rather unnerving moment when the strange specimen metamorphosed into 4 other of his species, making a grand total of 5. well, i guess it's better to hit me all at once whilst i am still mentally prepared before i make the quick escape into elusiveness again.
ok, back to my first sentence.
i have a job opening in my organisation. anyone who is on the lookout for a change in his / her job or perhaps something on the side to fill your free time, kindly read on.
the official designation is termed as "head director". the job scope in itself is pretty straightforward. your only responsibility is to smack the head of your employer, namely me, should i engage in the highly undesirable act of ordering a cup of coffee. the task itself, however, requires some finesse. the smack should not be so hard that my eyeballs will pop out but it should not be so soft that i will ignore it and continue with the undesirability. you are given room for exercising your power of judgement and may smack me senseless if i obstinately persist in ordering a cup of coffee. as such, i believe it is a highly satisfying and enjoyable appointment.
the pay is non-existent but perhaps i can offer you a cup of tea in return. however, this will also depend on your strength of smacking. smack too hard and i will forget all terms of employment. the hours are flexible, the benefits restricted solely to the satisfaction of having to smack my head and my gratitude. anybody with relevant experience and total dedication to the work may submit their cvs here.
i have resorted to opening up a position for the above post since my brain has absolutely refused to listen to my cries for no more coffee. yesterday's tall (read 'small' in starbucks' terms) brew of the day has left me disoriented and restless.
i need to recuperate.
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just my very own warped view on things. all for the sake of amusement so don't take it too seriously, in the interest of your own mental...
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before you proceed, let me warn visitors that they may find today's posting a little crass, if not weird. hello everybody. are you all w...
10 comments:
I have 30 years experience in smacking, but my expertise is with the butt. Can i be humbly considered for the job?
*moving ah pek over bumping her with my butt*
hey, hey! HEY! what about Annie?
She's sophisicated, intelligent, diplomatic, honest and will work for coffee.
*scratching head* I'm blur, what are we talking about now?
if you have any rejected candidates, send them over to me. I need some one to replace my smacking of other people's heads, LOL!
hahaha... too much coffee doesn't make one's mind stimulated. instead it makes the person even more lethargic. so cut down on the coffee if you want to make it work for you!
ME, consider me... I'm a professional at inflicting pain for the greater good. ;-)
You must be a masochist. Haha.
Head director? Is she the one in charge of giving head? LOL
Head smacking.. dang, I'm just an amateur *smacks hand on forehead* Oops!
I think all that you need is a break, not those senseless smacking on your head. You are too dear to me for smacking.
i used to play baseball. can i apply?
dear ah pek: only if you promise to keep your hands to my head region! :-p
dear annie: nahhh! she's too blur for the job. then again, she's very keen on coffee. maybe she'll grab my coffee before i can even take a sip of it, hence saving me grieve on the ehad-smacking bit *throws file into the pile for consideration*
dear may: hahahaha. that's a good one. may i be considered for the job? i can't very well smack my own head, but i'm pretty good with smacking others. my specialty is flying slippers :-)
dear gsh: lethargic? i wish! i couldn't rest, i couldn't concentrate. i'm trying to cut down, i'm trying. that's why i have created this job post *grins* willpower is too weak.
dear bernard: i don't want the pain, i just want the effect. eeeekkkk, i'm allergic to needles, doc. or scalpels, for that matter. heehee.
dear cocka: depending on which head we are talking about :-p
dear jonzz: yes, a very confused one too. you are suppose to smack my head, not your own *throws application into rejected pile*
dear licky: so sweet. if i stick my tongue out at you and calls you name, you sure you still don't want to smack me?
dear sengkor: *faints* baseball bat?! stay away!! *burns application* i want to stop drinking coffee, not die! lol.
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