Tuesday, January 16, 2007

questions unanswered

for as long as i can remember, i have been the youngest.

i was the youngest in my family as i was growing up. a position that didn't bring along the necessary spoiling and pampering but more of the trappings of never being able to do anything or go anywhere i wanted. it is an unwritten rule in the household; never listen to the youngest. sheesh!

when i was schooling, i was a year younger than the average classmate for every year after secondary four. eventhough it was just a difference of 12 months, i felt pretty small then; both in terms of size and importance. sheesh!

the pattern persisted to the uni-days. i was like the youngest child, presumed sweet and innocent, the little baby for everyone to keep an eye on. they were 3, 5 or even 12 years older than i. i listened whilst they talked. i learned whilst they taught me about the lessons in life. nobody listened. sheesh!

when i first started working, i had no equals. no one my age or even remotely close. it was stiffling, and sombering, working with people an entire generation older. forget about jokes, you don't even smile unless absolutely necessary. i tried valiantly to grow up faster, to look older, or at the very least, more convincing to them. sheesh!

when i ventured into post-degree course, it went without saying that i was going to be among the youngest in the group. somehow, somewhere, i have accepted that i will be the youngest among my peers. it didn't matter, as long as i proved to excel in my performance. sheesh!

however, one day when i wasn't looking i grew older.

just when i assumed i will always be the youngest, i became the oldest. just when i thought i will remain the smallest, i grew up. i look around. everybody else is younger. what happened to those older than me? where did they go?

why do i still feel so young then?

when will i start feeling old?

10 comments:

may said...

it's great to feel young at heart! and stay that way for as long as you can... :)

Anonymous said...

May is right. Better to feel young at heart and feel young for as old as you can.

Why in the world would anyone want to feel old? No way!

ah pek said...

when one day you loose all interest in sex, then you know you are old.

Anonymous said...

Correction Ah Pek, you loose interest in sex because the willy is permanently pointing south. LOL

me said...

dear may: hmmm, i guess so.

dear jonzz: not really want to feel old but rather when do i start feeling the correct age?

dear ah pek n cocka: sex education here ah? what is this discussion here about men's virility? so, ah pek, tell me, are you still interested in sex? and cocka, my dear, you will know because your's are permanently pointing south? lol. crazy guys!

Anonymous said...

I think therefore I am. (lol, trying to sound philosphical) If you think you're old, you will feel old. If you think you're absent-minded, you will act absent-minded.

More often than not, people shape their behaviour in the way they perceive themselves.

There are people who are in their 70s who are hale, hearty and cheerful. Can you say they are not acting their age?

ah pek said...

my dear leng lui, I am not only still interested in sex, I hunger for sex.

me said...

dear jonzz: haha. i don't think, yet i am. i never gave much tot to how old i act or whether i'm young at heart. i am, therefore i am. that's me. *grins*

dear ah pek: hahaha. must call mrs ah pek. inform her that you not full. must ask her to supply more. 3 times a night cukup tak? sheesh! you're turning my comment box into x-rated lah.

Bernard said...

This is the kind of riddle that's a why-so-kaypo classic. Hehe.

I can't figure out what happened, for the life of me. Blurrr!

Whatever it was... enjoy the day called "today"!

me said...

dear bernard: i also can't figure it out, for the life of me. i think i grew old without realising it. but it tickles me that you call it a why-so-kaypo classic. *grins*

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