when i get into a mood like this, the most difficult part for me is to separate my emotions from my life. i have to balance what i feel inside with the people around me, who are innocent bystanders and i refuse to let them be victims of my own frustration. to continue showing the most dazzling smile to the guards, to continue speaking as softly and gently to my in-laws, to keep loving my family through my turmoil, it's almost like having multiple personalities.
i'm angry with life. i'm frustrated with the ironies of life, the unfairness that is all around and all the rotten things the playing cards of life deals us.
over the weekend, i played the sympathetic ear to someone whose marriage is on the rocks. to look into her eyes and pretend to be sincere about telling her to stay and give her marriage a second chance, whilst i just want to hug her and give her husband a kick in the balls and say i totally understand why she wants to leave, is perhaps where my frustration emanates. never the devil be when giving advise, i keep reminding myself, never judge others' by their mistakes.....
i saw her getting married when i was still schooling. i saw her struggled to conceive. i watched her love for her family and how she laboured to balance everything in her life. i witnessed the gentle and good ways that is only her. for a woman, loving and giving your all to your family is not enough. more often than not, over the course of time, you'll find that your love will be taken for granted and taken advantage of....the wise one has to be there to provide, yet at the same time appear alluring enough to bewitch the man. whilst the man...has to do what? put up his legs and grumble about the difficult time he is having outside? i see this scenario swirling and repeating so many times around me that it is making me giddy. it makes you wonder what life is all about? all that i keep seeing have only managed to fortify the cynism that is hardening me. i used to watch in awe when he whispered 'happy valentine' to her ears and toasted with love in their eyes, not too long ago. how easy men forget in their hour of lust...
everybody wants a little inspiration in their life..a little something that makes you continue to believe. i do. that little thing that others did that touches your heart. a little reminder that this world is still beautiful. the little something extra that someone did for a stranger...the politician that did not go in for greed...the doctor that was not incentived by profits...
it seems to be increasingly few and far between now.....
14 comments:
you are especial,right?
Haiz... oh for the simple life and innocence of a kid...
aiyo! ur friend's hubby cheating on her ah? tell her to cut his balls off!
Notwithstanding, the slight bias feeling you have against us, I do agree that most men are a fool when it comes to lust. Thus we must always be on our toes. Having a religion in a good step.
Anyway, why do you ask your friend to give it a chance when you know she should have leave him? You said you’re a cynic but that ain’t showing in your action.
dear becky: beauty is in the eyes of the beholder? i'm special to some, but not to all....
dear jonzz: yes! support! ignorance is bliss...
dear wuching: believe me, i would love to have that pleasure...
dear zewt: notwithstanding that u r of the same sex, you're telling it like it is, instead of pretending it doesn't happen, like the other fools. i respect that. n yes, though i'm not religious, i like that religion teaches you to be your best. i'm only not too crazy about hypocrites who preaches religion but do otherwise...
just because i'm a cynic and i may not follow the same advise in my own case, it doesn't mean i should break up a marriage. hvnt u heard the chinese saying, "rather teach others to beat their child, rather than teach them to divorce". there are many things to consider..her child, her family, her own feelings...i think she has it in her to accept the fact and forgive, so for all concerned it may be a better route. when she's too emotionally involved to think reasonably, it's up to others who have her best interest at heart to reason it out for her and advise her.
u never ask 'yes' or 'no' questions. sighhhhhh!
dear zewt: some last words...sometimes in situations like these, it's the pride that was let down...something so intangible that it should not be allowed to get in the way of reconciliation.
to at least try and fail is better than never trying at all...so, i think it's better for my advise to err on the side of prudence.
i am interested to know what did the husband do... if you dont mind.
Unfaithfulness can happen both ways.
yes yes i know what u mean. sometimes u just wanna tell the person,"get the hell out of there!" coz you love her so much and don't want to see her hurt. but then it's just so morally incorrect to do so, and u end up doing the thing that u hate most - ask her to persevere and continue with the pain of continuing and suffering. i guess alot of times, it's not up to us to judge. all we can do is utter a little prayer and hope everything will be alright.
dear zewt: i feel so bad as it is, telling about other ppl. gosh...u know, the one thing that any woman can't tolerate...it was getting too crowded in the relationship..getit?
dear pooh: true...it's not about which sex that does it...but i see so many of men having another on the side type that i am quite sick of it...to the point that i really want to barf.
dear serene: yes, exactly what i'm feeling. it's definitely not for us to say who's wrong...but it drives me nuts when she's hurting...doesn't help that i feel like shit for writing about it here....i feel like i'm part of the betrayal now...sigh!
btw, like yr new avatar. if i were to write words underneath, i will describe it as 'elegance'.
i don't understand why, when people tell you their problems, you always advise them the opposite. Is this call sympathy? or is this just merely hastening their way to hell.
Sometimes we can be called "black hearted" We know fully well that the they have been cheated, yet we tell them to forgive only to be cheated again. We know fully well that the guy cannot be trusted but we don't tell them that. Instead we push them further into the pit.
Can we consider ourselves as friends this way? Friends don't see friends die also never care wan isn't it?
dear ah pek: sigh! u can see it that way...but it's not so easy loh. u want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage? i've seen how kids without parents behave...i don't think it's good for them. i take my cue from her too...if she is adamant about leaving him, i will support, with tangan and kaki. but when i heard of it from her...she has already made the decision to stay. decision though made, it's still not easy to do. there are suspicions, scars, etc...so i can only encourage her, ask her to be strong. u think i should kick her when she is down and ask her to leave him, when she feels it is best to stay, for the sake of her kids?
it's a tough decision lah, ah pek. for her and for her friend. when i listened, i was very frightened..for saying the wrong thing, for giving the wrong advise, for pointing her into the black road. as i said, at least if she tried and it failed, at least she can look at her family and said she has tried her best. to never try at all and give up...i think that's a coward's way of not wanting to be hurt again.
we don't know what the future holds...maybe this is a small test for them and they will have decades of happiness after this?
it's not such a clear cut case, like when your friend gets robbed, or when they are abused. there isn't always a correct and wrong party...sometimes it's just grey areas...
i disagree with zewt & ah pek. they are not in your shoes, & you are not in your friend's. so to encourage your friend to try to make the marriage work is fair advice.
the alternative (ie. divorce) is a one-way ticket & should only be comtemplated if nothing else works. but that decision must be your friend's, & hers alone. to quote danny devito's character in "the war of the roses" : there are no winners in a divorce, only different degree of losers.
dear doc: thxs...finally, someone who understood where i came from. i witnessed someone close's divorce and u r right, nobody won. all parties involved took years to come to terms with it....if they ever did...we try to give the best advice we can for someone whose best interest we have at heart...we can only hope it turns out well....
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