as first impression goes

there is this man in my office.

i have never been very fond of him. that is actually putting it mildly. simply put, he gets on my nerve.

even before i saw his face. which is amazing, if you think of it. i saw his handwriting first and as first impression goes, it looked terribly untidy and messy to me. it was not one of those doctor's handwriting type of illegibility, it's just plain untidy.

so, before i even saw his face, he has struck out in the impression department.

when i first spoke to him over the phone, he had this laughter which curdled by blood each time i hear it. it was mocking as well as deprecating at the same time. plus he never failed to punctuate each conversation with a few of those annoying laughters. there was no warmth, no genuineness, no friendliness in the whiny laughter. there was definitely no humour present. there was nothing faintly amusing to laugh at in the first place in the conversations, professional as i was.

it's all in my mind though, i've never let him see how i roll my eyes at each of his laughter. it's very unfair of me, i know, for i never took the time to know him better. frankly, i'm not even interested to know him better. yes, it's quite evil of me. still, as impression goes, this one was how it went.

anyway, yesterday fate saw it fit to drag me to the office and hand a payment to this same man. when he signed on the payment voucher and handed me back the cheque instead of the payment voucher, and upon realising the mistake gave another of those deprecating laugh, it was like a window suddenly opened in front of me. i realised, with a start , the reason for these annoying laughters.

i don't know why i never realised it. i must have been side-tracked by my prejudiced. this man is actually nervous when talking to me, or when dealing with me. i've never thought of myself as being that frightening, hence perhaps that bulb never dawned over my head. i stood infront of him and watched how he messed up the simple act of returning the voucher and keeping the cheque. i now understand why he gave those hysterical cackles when there was obviously nothing mildly amusing to laugh at.

it wasn't at me. it was a nervous laugh at himself.

perhaps it was my own lacking in self-confidence that made me unable to see the truth. perhaps in this world of human interaction, where we unwittingly add our own uncertainty and apprehension, we complicate the whole simple picture with our personal feelings.

then again, maybe i misinterpreted the whole thing and he's just an idiot.