the head in the driver seat

who is looking out for you? we never really know the answer to that. until the time counts.

it was haji. we chose to drive ourselves to kuantan instead of getting him to drive us there. it wasn't so much to let him spend haji with his family, for the meaning of the holiday has skipped our mind, but because we wanted to experience driving there on our own. the feeling was exhilirating, the freedom, the control.

before we left, he gave us last minute instructions on how to reach the highway. ha! not surprising he didn't have much faith in us, we didn't have much faith in ourselves either. still, we were armed with a polite speaking gprs lady and the foolish confidence of the youth. youth? we are still young? how else can we explain our baseless confidence.

when we reach destination, my handphone tweeted with an incoming message. have you reached kuantan, he asked? i was surprised. it sounded like he care. true enough, he has been with us for 10 years now, ever since the arrival of the oldest. but for the last 10 years, the only times we have crossed words were details of errands for him to run and rebukes when he crosses his line. rarely, though not never, have i asked about his personal life. we have kept our distance and that was the way we like it. i have long learnt that the best relation with employees was an impersonal one, unless you want to court for messy dialogues. they work for you. full stop. they are not your friend. otherwise you'll be hearing all sorts of sob stories on why they cannot perform their work and why they need to borrow more money. complications, i don't need.

his sms took me by surprise. even my parents didn't call me at my estimated time of arrival to check whether i have arrived safely. i replied that i have just arrived. he texted back advising me to leave early on the date of departure so that i will not be caught up in the traffic jam.

i never realised he cared for us. i have always thought that we were his employers and that was that. his duty was to perform his job efficiently and nothing more. when his duty was not required, his ties to us cease. perhaps i have been more cold-blooded than him all these years. unforgiving. walls raised too high.

come monday morning, after the holiday, he was once again the head that was in the driver seat. i see nothing more of him than the back of his head, and we say nothing more. life goes back to normal.