such is a mother's life

motherhood is a lifetime of adapting and adjusting. when the little stork brought her, she was a small one, especially needy and clingy. i couldn't leave her for one minute to go to the bathroom. i had to hold her to sleep, or give up any notion of it myself. she has never been away from me for even one night, except for that 3 occasions where we didn't have any other choice. each time, we had to bear with the heartbreak of hearing her cry inconsolably throughout the night. i had to abandon my life, my identity, my lifestyle to be there for her.

as she grew, so did her sense of independence. i have no choice but to loosen the strings and let her spread her wings. that little thing that couldn't bear to be separated even for one nano second now wants to spend nights away, be her own person and keep secrets from me. i can only take it all in stride, knowing very well that this is life, that it is what every parent goes through and that letting her be her own person is the best thing that i can do for her. but that little thing, who looked at me with such wonderment in her eyes, who thought that i was the center of her world (and vice versa), now doesn't even want me as her valentine when she has no other.  that not-so-little thing is impatient to experience love and has no space in her heart for me.

while one part of you knows that it is alright, that this is how life is supposed to be, the other part of you find adapting to something that is constantly evolving so tiring. i am sure i was once like that too.
when she came, i was me, taking someone who needed me very much warmly into my arms. when she is older, i am still me, letting someone who needed to go leave. i didn't change, but she has. this is life.