indigestion

how does one keep oneself optimistic? the world is full of weary angry disgruntled hands pulling you down to its abyss. everyone's so angry. so discontented. so negative. sigh. with each passing day it gets harder to break free. finding for the beauty in things, looking at the rainbow after the rain, seeing the silver lining in the dark gloomy clouds, i am not sure i have the energy anymore. it is like a fight each day, pushing away negative thoughts, people who insist on being grumpy and unhappy, no matter how beautiful the day or the horizon.

i don't get hurt by the thoughtless things that strangers do. it's tiring. it's exhausting for sure, but i'm protected by the invisible bubble that is me. i sigh but i also laugh and i also smile, i am contented with the present. but when people close hurl painful jabs, without even a second thought, i try my hardest to understand. only when we hurt that we want to hurt. i try to empathise. but it doesn't stop it from being painful. not even for one second. it doesn't stop it from haunting my memories. i don't know which is worse; nary a thought of consideration before or no compunction after.

 the world will be a beautiful place if only everybody loves and smile a little more. why all the hatred, all the anger, all the discontentment? we are all different, why do we ask that others are the same? we all have reasons for our actions, if we can't understand, perhaps we can empathise?

my heart feels heavy, my stomach uneasy. perhaps it's indigestion. of food or of life?