the oh shit club

welcome to the oh shit club. i am the president of the club, nominated by virtue of my so many oh shit moments. the first and foremost condition will be to endure pain, or not endure pain and exclaim oh shit. like when i sliced off a piece of my thumb. oh shit! like when i fondled the hot iron. oh shit! like when i burned my hand on a hot pan. oh shit! like when i stub my toe on the corner of the sofa leg. oh shit! i'm a very accident-prone lady, it will seem. but to be qualified to be the president of the club, you must be able to walk away nonchalantly and continue with your activity. try to stop the blood gushing forth for like 5 seconds, then wrap a bandage around it and continue chopping. when the bandage is soaked through with blood, change another one. if the food is tainted with some blood, oh well, blood is full of various nutrients i am told (the source of that information could or could not be from me). or when your finger is hurting like crazy after burning it on the hot iron, put a cold pack next to you so that you can alternate between sticking your finger into the ice pack when it is burning with pain and continue to iron when your finger can't tell the pain because it is frozen. we presidents are made of hard core stuff.

i'm looking to retire though. one only has so many fingers, hands and feet to massacre. anybody up for the job?