manic monday

i slept for 10 whole hours last night! yet, this morning, as i opened my eyes from the land of the dead, my first instinct was still to bury my head deep into my covers and hide from the world.

it has been a very exhausting weekend for me, physically and mentally, a little bit of a roller coaster. monday would have been a great day to take things easy and recuperate. alas! the kids are having their school holidays. posting this entry in itself is a great challenge. my head is spinning.....my breathing laboured...my bones aching (from last thursday's limb-maneuvering yoga) and my ears ringing (from all their shouting).

anybody curious about what i did for the weekend? i am quite ashamed to say that after 35 years of living, i finally made an effort to visit cameron for the 2nd time. the first was when i was a lot younger and have no recollection of events whatsoever, so i guess it doesn't count. i am amazed that there is so much going on up there and with better planning by our tourism ministry, it could actually be a point of attraction for many overseas visitors. as it is, the potential is there. but that's not my business and i am not here for government bashing.

the highlight for me was actually a visit to the robinson waterfalls. ok, everybody out there, what comes to your imagination when i say 'robinson waterfalls'? for me, it was a leisurely picnic beside the waterfalls, fighting for sandwiches with the ants, basking in the cool air and submersing my feet in the icy water. ahhhhh! what luxury! but life has a vey funny way of not imitating your imagination. they never do. infact, reality is always the opposite.

the track started on a fairly solid, tiled albeit narrow path. for those who are uninformed, i actually have acrophobia - fear of heights. however, with the excitement of reaching my target and the uncertainty of what lies ahead, i plundered on. after a few minutes of walking, the path became narrower and narrower. the tiled road turned into big steps, which became uneven slanting surface......then wet soiled muddy paths strewn with twines and cables....then huge deep steps......and even narrower paths (ok, for some those paths would have been enough to perform a breakdance but to my slitty, sweat-covered panicky eyes, it was not even enough for me to balance).

after walking in such trecherous conditions for twenty minutes, we saw the waterfall. and that was when i gave up! we were not even halfway down the waterfall!

i couldn't do it. all that obstacles and it was only less than half the track. fear hit me point blank. i nearly collapsed on my weakened knees. i would have shouted 'mummy' but she was right behind me. and so were all the kids who were taking it nonchalantly. we turned back but i would have gladly stayed there and rot to death. there was no way i could do the same track twice. if i could maintain my dignity and yet crawl on the path at the same time, i would have drop to my hands and knees immediately.

have you ever experience the fear of facing your phobias? whoever said that confronting it will remove all anxiety is an idiot. the only thing that it convinced me was what a fool i am and never ever to go hiking again. your legs basically become wooden blocks that refuse to listen to your commands. your palms are all sweaty and your heart cold with fear. every step you take, you imagine yourself plundering into the deep ravine, shouting and screaming 'ahhhhhhhhhh' with your hands flailing above your head (vivid imagination!).

as you know, i made it out of that adventure alive. i lived to tell the tale. of my stupidity. yes, hubby dearest, the track was not even high. and there was no plunging ravine. so, now i know i have a new fear - a fear of narrow paths - crazyrophobia.