i've been wanting to post this topic since last week but i have only been able to sit down and clear my mind today. i find it very difficult to form the words to express my thoughts on this, i don't know why. i have made an attempt to start so many times, only to find that my efforts do not adequately carry my sentiments across.
i shall just launch into what brought about this sentiment in the first place. lengchai was telling me about stories that he has heard from other parents and relatives.
case scenario 1: after completing his form 5, mr & mrs t's son was supposed to further his studies abroad. choosing australia as his next step, he found a nice lodging in the form of homestay with a sweet family. being away from his family for the first time and not knowing how to even handle a saucepan, this is ideal as a respectable host family will take care of the child and provide him with the 'family-feel' that he is suddenly missing. mr & mrs t accompanied their beloved son to australia and helped him to settle into his new abode. after 1 week, they left for home. when they reached home, 12 hours later, they were surprised to receive a call from their son immediately. apparently, he couldn't get use to the new environment. mind you, this boy is not some greenhorn from the kampung. he is used to jet-setting and travelling worldwide for holidays. what did the parents do?........well, it will seem that they flew over there immediately and brought him back, subsequently enrolling him in a local college.
case scenario 2: mr & mrs o comes from a poor family, struggling daily in their small kampung grocery store to provide enough for their children; earning a very small margin from foodstuffs and daily necessities. after many hard years, their children are all grown up now and have left for the city to look for promising jobs. each time a child goes to the city, he/she will need a car for transportation and daddy / mummy dearest will dig deep into their savings to buy them a brand new kancil or proton. as they have 6 children, this happened many times. the thought never occured to them to adapt to the inefficient public transportation or to car-pool, for that matter. it doesn't matter that they live in the same house and travel to the same building for work; each needed their own vehicle. when they return home to their kampung, it never crossed their mind to give a small allowance to their now aged parents. instead, each time they return, they come back with a car load of groceries from their parents' store.
case scenario 3: school holiday comes around and so, mr & mrs l decided to send their son (in his mid teens) to summer camp. it would be a very good adventure for a boy that age; to learn about being independent, make new friends and have a very healthy physical experience. unfortunately, the boy called the very next day, asking his parents to bring him home as he could not cope with the physical condition of the place. their parents complied.
i now know why i find it so hard to write about this post. whilst the stories evoke very strong feelings from me, i do not know how i should pass comment. i am so tempted to hit each of them on the head, both parent and children. i shudder to think what our society will become with such useless people as our pillar of society in the future and such senseless parents to support them. i can only hope that i do not spoil my children so.
it is so easy for parents to love their child. but when they love them too much like what i have described, they are actually destroying them; their integrity, their motivation, their character, their resistance and their perseverance. it is so easy to give in to their every whims and desires and soooo hard to fight it all the way. but if every parent knows how destructive their love can be to the character of their children, which parent would wish it upon their child?
the hardest part of parenthood.............is to let go.
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7 comments:
no it's not hard. we just need to have a "hard" heart. when my young daughters went to camp, i made sure all she needs is packed. i asked her if she is ready to do it. she nods her head and i sent her there, and left. i din't worry too much because there are always teachers there.
when my 2 elder daughters went to campus, it's the same thing. made sure she has all her daily necisities and off she go.
and you know what? they never complained even once of being homesick even though i know they were. why? because it's their choice. i never forced them. when doing something of our own choice, we seldom dare to complain.
unfortunately not all parents are as wise as you. the financially better off they are and the harder they have worked to provide for their children, the worst they will be.
you have brought up your children to choose wisely and correctly, making their own right decision. some did not provide them with such education ~ how then can they trust them to make the correct choice?
ya... guess you are right. some parents pamper their children way too much until they can't make decisions for themselves. i hope you don't join their leaque.
scene no 2....why have so many children in the first place when one can't afford it?
Knock the parents head harder for me...and knock the father's other head too. LOL
It's kind of a hard balancing act. On one hand you want to protect your children and give them the best of everything. On the other hand, you want them to grow up to be responsible and independent. So it's a tug of war...
But I guess it's inevitable that the time will come when they have to rough it out themselves. We can't shelter them forever.
ah pek: if i lose sight of what's correct over time and you read about it here, come over and thump my head to remind me, ok?
cock: eh.....incest lah....that one my uncle...i cannot knock his father's other head lah. i give you no., you go do it for me, ok? kekekeke. why do people have so many children when they can't afford it? i'm sure you know lah, cocka. enjoy the process mah....like that also wan to ask.
king's wife: it's tough but you would hope that when they have to go out on their own, they have a good head on them with correct principles and virtues. with parents that are too busy providing and not doing enough educating, we may just be bringing up future dictators and tyrants who are only concerned with themselves.
I want to bring big big hammer and help you, can ah?
I dunno la, these issues alway bug me too but since I claim to run Malaysia one and only independent parenting online group, I sometimes have to zip my mouth. But at times, forget self, let go on my blog and people condemn me said I give bad example, judging people etc. Haih.... What you mention happens all the time, here in the scouts camp too.
Yeah, my kids are tough, their mom tougher!
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