i sit here, in my usual drinking spot, taking a leisurely sip of ice tea before i begin......
last week i wrote a piece about a tactical maneuver that my dear dahling and i have schemed out and i am so tempted to continue the piece today. however, the time is not right and i have so many things on my mind now that i will not be able to give the topic its due attention. so, i shall leave it for another day.
everybody seems to be writing about cheng ming recently and to commemorate the occasion, i shall give my input too. the thing that i realise is that a lot of people seem to be very uptight over the whole ancestor-praying business. maybe there are a lot of tension and buried (sorry, no pun intended there) resentments in each family and when the whole family comes together, some toes are inadvertently stepped on.
i went for mine today and it was a nice excuse for a family get-together. i would love to have more reasons to meet the whole extended clan but everybody seems to be very involved in their own lives nowadays.
maybe the difference with my attitude is that i am not of the 'parent' level yet and therefore, i do not have the authority to voice my opinion. i can only listen and follow meekly when the procedures and instructions are meted out.
do you know what was the only thing that went through my mind today, as i was carrying out the whole joss-stick and kowtowing (would you believe that this is really an english word?! for sure! i looked it up.) business? i wonder if i will ever be able to fit into my parents' shoes. if the baton was passed to me and i am supposed to carry out the whole works, how am i ever going to handle all the story-telling?
oh, sorry, did i lose you there? ok, let's backtrack a little. have you ever heard the elders pray to the ancestors or the heavenly spirit? they actually have a whole story-line mapped out. complete with prologue, introduction, content and conclusion. the beginning is usually quite loud and clear and towards the end, it finishes with some mumbling and whispering. maybe they have lowered their voices purposely because they don't quite know how to end it either.
i strained my ears as best i could today and have written it down for those who are lacking in the skills, like myself. to make it simple for your future use, just fill in the blanks and you are ready for your next prayer session:
................ (the relevant authority that you are directing the prayer to), today is
................(the occasion for the get-together) and your
...............(children, grandchildren, great grandchildren - name the people who are present) are all gathered here today to pray for you. we have brought
...............(name some of the offerings that everybody have brought) for you to enjoy. may you
...........................( ok, start listing all your wishes, in order of urgency and priority). if you have any wishes, please let us know by
.............................(if you do not want them to appear infront of you suddenly and risk scaring you half to death, this is the time to let them know which is your preferred way of communication). please forgive
...................... (time to stab the back of people not present by naming all of them and thereby ensuring that they are included in the black list) for not being able to make it today because
.........................(quick, quick, think of any lame excuses).
that about covers it, i think. or maybe i didn't catch the part where they start asking for 4-digit numbers......*smack head* no wonder they lowered their voices!
come next year, equipped with my manual, i am ready to tackle the mumbo-jumbo. bring it on.
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8 comments:
I din know about the story telling part wor. All i know is my father-in-law tosses 2 coins in the air, and then based on dunno-what, it is an indication whether his ancestors are ready to drink and eat the offerings. Wait...or was it finish eating?
yah yah...we did that too. when the 2 coins fall on the same side, we have to sit around and chat some more becos the ancestors have not finish eating. when you hold the joss-sticks, you didn't hear them do the mumbo jumbo meh?
The tension, chaos, bitterness & bickering in these Ching Ming get-togethers are purely 100% product of legalism.
You see, these things happen becos ppl do things out of requirement and not sincerity. I know alot of ppl are forced to do the mandatory Ching Ming walk simply bcos they r expected and commanded to do so by others. They are not there to give respect out of their heart...
I guess until the day we can break the bondage of being bounded by somebody else's expectations, let the bickering and fight begins!! lol
ya.. i agree with helen. it has become an obligation. no sincerity left.
ohhhhhhh......now i see....it's sad i guess, cos it's supposed to be about those people under the ground, not those standing over it. i guess sometimes we think about ourselves too much and forget about those that matters....let's forget about obligation, forget about those idiotic relatives, forget about all the paths crossed...and just take 1 day out of 365 each year to remember the people who brought us or our partner into this world.
You shud hear my eldest and # 3 siss in-law. Went there to their great grandparents grave and started to explain they are whose and whose daughters. And then, ask for the blessings for their own kids, whispering mode in Hakka somemore. Adoi, for goodness sake, if greatgrandparents turned into some spirit liao, still oso must be reminded like that, mah no need pray better. Got heart go, just happy happy mah can lor, must ask so many things meh. If next time I died liao, people come ask favours, I kick their backsides.
nice to hear different version of cheng meng observations like LL & Lilian. when i went for my wife's family cheng meng last year, i was taken aback. we have buddhist rite (joss stick and all), christian (prayer and singing of hymn) and sembahyang (yup Islamic rite) cos one of the relatives married a muslim. what i liked about wifey family is the unity and the tolerance exhibited by all the family members. maybe i am new, may not be tuned in to the clan politic. but i was impressed.
my dear 5xmom: very funny lah, your cheng meng stories. i think can make into movie. when they ask for favours, don't just kick their backside...come back and haunt them everynight until they tak boleh tahan. hahaha
my dear seefei: wow! so symbolic of malaysia's mixed society. they must record fei's family cheng meng and show on tv for national day. show how united and tolerant of each other's custom we can all be. hats off to fei's family
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