i am confused!

today i visited her in the hospital, as usual. she's not doing too well.......sigh! i am more worried about her family. i know how tough things must be for them and how strong they are trying to be. only wish those 'well-meaning' idiotic relatives and insensitive dummies can just shut up and stop trying to meddle. anybody got an extra frying pan for head-smashing?

anyway, let's not dwell on depressing stuff. everybody is down enough without me hovering on such sad issues. today, let's talk about another topic.....sexuality. wah! all the guys suddenly perk up their attention and sit straight in their chairs, ears opened wide.

before your imagination runs wild, this is not an x-rated site, so there will not be talks of orgasm or g-spots (disappointed? sorry lor). there are other more stimulating sites for that purpose; i have no idea where the elusive g-spot is myself so i'll stick to familiar territory.

the other day, when i was talking to a guy friend, i realise that most guys have the opposite sex's characteristics and manners categorised neatly in a package. to a guy, a girl is sure to like desserts, cry over mushy movies, drive badly, get very emotional and excited when they hear of friends getting pregnant (he even showed me how we are supposed to react physically!), don't know peanuts about the computer and be totally ignorant over household repairs.....and i don't know what else.

is that what every guy thinks? that all women behave in the same exact way? that we automatically fit a list of feminine characteristics without saying?

i do wonder about my own sexuality at times.

for one, whenever i pass a d.i.y. shop, i have a very strong urge to wander along the aisles and check out what's new in the home-repair tools department. even if there is nothing to fix around the house, i can browse and spend hours in there. our toolbox at home is fully equipped for all types of 'emergency', probably more than my make-up box.

i change bulbs and starters, i repair toys and i am more adept with the computer than hubby dearest (and anything relating to modern gadgets, for that matter).

i dislike desserts and would much rather have a piece of steak with a glass of red wine. no, i don't crave for cakes and will definitely not pass over my main course for anything sweet. people give me strange stares when i say i don't like sweet stuffs.... what can i say? different people, different taste.

i do cry when i see sad movies but groups of gossiping women freak me out. when i see a group of women, i feign bad eyesight and walk quickly pass, or time constraint and quicken my steps. i'm bad at small talk and would rather get to the point whenever anyone calls me. that may come across as rude, i guess.....but i really suck at making pointless conversation.

i am hopeless when it comes to putting on creams and beauty products. i much rather spend the time lounging infront of the tv. i can be ready and out of the house in five minutes......a little bit indecisive when it comes to closet-choosing but otherwise, much faster than my dad and bro; or anyone else in the household.

discussion on hair saloon, beauty products and fashion bores me. once in a blue moon, you may catch me at a pedicure but if i have to visit one regularly, i will be brain dead by now and definitely starting to rot.

that doesn't mean that i have anything against women who know how to take care of themselves. it should be a woman's nature to do so, but if i don't, does that make me any less of a woman? if i don't fit nicely into the label, am i any less feministic?

i never thought so, but now i am confused.