Wednesday, July 23, 2008

the secret to big boobs

i know of an expert in the art of women observation. this is perhaps a skill that most, if not all, men possess. inborn. genetically ingrained. like eating, breathing and blinking. but he is not like any other testosterone-driven men. his observations have been so detailed that it has brought him to another level of expertise, and so a theory is conceived. the boobsy bimbo theory. i probably should be a little shocked, and perhaps outraged, at the amount of time he has spend watching boobs to conceive this theory but men will be men.

through his observations, the women in london are generally more well-endowed than their counterparts in asian countries, like malaysia and hong kong for example. i will have to agree. if you know any hong kong ladies, they are usually referred to as kai tak airport, or the newer chep lap kok airport; reason being their chest is as flat as the airport runway. putting aside those that have assistance from surgeons and implantations, of course. london ladies, on the other hand, have a pretty good helping on their plate. of course, their respective body size has to be taken into consideration; generally meatier ladies have a bigger spotlight and slim, bone-like woman have nothing much to show, on their chest or anywhere else on the body. fat can't be manipulated to grow on only one part of the body, you know. so, if a lady is a close relative of the science laboratory skeleton, most likely her 32Fs are not a gift from nature.

thus, i argued that the ladies in london are meatier, as compared to asian ladies, and hence have bigger mother natures. mr expert however has gone one up in his observations. ceteris paribus, everything else remaining the same, that is even with the same body size, their boob size differs. their diet perhaps? milk?, i protested. perhaps. but milk makes big boobs? doesn't quite cut the logic department. maybe stress, he argues.

i muse for a little while. this is not entirely impossible. it has been known for generations that when men, generally speaking as a specie and not just the male sex, are faced with stress and danger, their body organs will shrink closer to their body in a self-denfensive mode. like when faced with potential enemy, men's .....erm....sack (?, this is as refined as i can go) will shrink closer to their body in an attempt to protect themselves from their enemy. in the modern world, we are not faced with man-eating cannibals and big fat dinosaurs but stress is still a very real threat. stress from many things. and it is also a known fact that hong kong is a very stressful place to live in. perhaps it is not a wonder that their body parts also cling closer to their bodies? a built-in reflex self-defense mechanism from the body? hong kong women are more stressful, hence their boobs are smaller. london ladies, after having a jolly night on the town and running to the nearest pub when the rare sun makes an appearance, is less stressful and thus have bigger boobs. my inference from his observations, at least. all the scientists and theorists in the world, please don't scream at my shallow, one dimensional theory.

thus, the theorem for boobsy bimbo is born. those using more brain, more stressful, have smaller boobs. those less stressed, a little dazed and generally more happy-go-lucky will have bigger boobs. the secret to big boobs. here lies the mystery to your GG cups.

excuse me while i hang my brain out for a little while and be dazed debby. i've got to work on getting my GG cups.

11 comments:

wuching said...

so..what's your C size now? (I just wanna get an idea..hehe)

wuching said...

I mean Cup size not C size! aduh..already thinking lidat can die!

Ah Pek said...

what a ridiculous theory to justify those lychee bearers.

Do you mean to say that women, as in men who thinks with their dicks, draws their brain juice from their boobs that the more they use their brain, the smaller their boobs become??

Men is the opposite. The more they think with their dicks, the bigger and stronger the dick becomes.

I happen to be a great thinker.

Jonzz said...

You just redefined bimboism!

Annie said...

OH
MA
GAWD

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm speechless. Maybe Asian women have smaller boobs because we're smarter and know to have less children -thus not needing boobs for nursing. I mean that IS what boobs are for, no?

me said...

dear wuchy: naughty naughty wuchy. i see you are getting distracted....

cup? well, i have many cups at home. some are free from the bookstore, some i painted myself and some are just gifts from others. i've got cups for coffee, cups for water/juice and cups for alcohol. which types do you want the size for? *taking out measuring tape*

dear ah pek: see where you are wrong? men don't think with their dicks. there's a problem with that sentence oredi. when that part of their body takes over, they don't think at all. i tot we have agreed on that last time. since u r a great thinker, i will have to guess u use that part very rarely. hahahaha

i'm not saying the more women think, the smaller boobs they have. but the more stress they are subjected to, the smaller it is. stress being the operative word here. u go and carry out research to see all the lychee bearers you know are faced with stressful life or not...

dear jonzz: actually, i think it still falls true to the old theory. bimbos with big boobs don't use their brain much. that's the generalisation anywayyyyy.

dear annie: ahhhhhh, but u being in the medical industry will know that nursing have nothing to do with the size of the boobs. small boobs can have as much milk and nurse just as well, no? that's what the books claim anywayyy.

was under the impression boobs are to support the bra industry. without boobs, the bra makers will bankrupt. :-p

lickoholic said...

hey, but i observed that turk ladies are more mountainous than others of your same kind.
according to your so called dimensional theory, the turk ladies are using less of their brains and are the happy-go-lucky type.
but contrary to your believe, and compared to their counterparts here, they are more hardworking, more witty and also are fast thinkers.

zewt said...

hahahaha.... so many ppl wanna know your boobs size....

she will never tell lah.

me said...

dear licky: most ppl are missing the point. it's not merely how much you are using your brain or how clever/hardworking you are. it's how stressful the environment is. the subject can be very clever, very hardworking in a not too stressful environment. an example will be china. the labourers are hardworking, toiling their lands but it's not stressful. no one's stabbing anybody in the back etc. turks may be hardworking and clever but i doubt they are calculative and plotting and nobody's staying in the office until 1am becos they don't want to lose their job, like some developed asian countries. budden i agree, there are holes in my one-dimensional theory. all for the laughs.

dear zewt: u got that right, buster. and what so many ppl?? only u n wuching mentioned it!! it's in your mind, isn't it?!

Cocka Doodle said...

Pssst! Zewt & Wuch..I know ! I know!

me said...

eh, kfc, ppl think u and i got lucid affair going on lah. what u know?! my face also u don't know, somemore want to talk abt my size.