this is the third time. and the final one. when i heard her story for the third time, she has already left the world. six months from day 1, or did she even had that? someone i never knew the name of. someone i have never seen. but i was so close to grasping her hands and pulling her away from death's door. could i have done more? someone who was a total stranger, someone who doesn't even know i exist. how could i?
life toys with us in such cruel ways. there is no answer to the many hurdles in life, no magic book to show us the future and guide us through the present, no gprs to take us on the correct route. it was a miracle this time round; i had in my hands the answers. if someone was to give you a secret formula, a secret method that has been time-tested and tried out, 80% guaranteed to a path of survival, what rationale would you have to push it away? why would you prefer something else that takes you onto path unknown? what reasons will you have to choose death over hope? i will never ever be able to understand. however, what is the use of asking, of deliberating, of being frustrated? she is no longer here.
the ugly things that we see, the hard shoulders that we rub, the unpleasant experiences that we felt..... the little things that make us grow a little jaded, a little apathetic and make us build our walls a little higher. will i reach my hands out again with such passion? will be as distressed when i hear adversity? will i want so badly to help? i really doubt so.
once in a while, we all need a little angel to inspire us back onto the path of virtue. someone or something that shows us beauty lies still in the world. where do i find mine?
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4 comments:
you certainly can find it within yourself. by reading your blog for the past few years, i noticed and believed that you are a caring, kind, thoughtful, compassionate, considerate, generous and likeable person.
Many of us wish to be like you, but can never be like you and are not like you.
faint. so big hat, how to wear? my head will swell when i hear words like that, and i may even start believing them :-p :-p lol. thanks for your kind thoughts anyway. btw, blogs are deceiving :-p :-p kekeke
i agree - that blogs can be deceiving, esp so if the writers don't reveal themselves, like us.
however, there are some anonymous ones that are quite decent also, & i'd like to think that we fall in that category, too.
we are anon to protect our identity, not our personality :-) as we grow older, we have this very strong desire to overprotect ourselves and hide behind mile-thick walls, be it justified or otherwise.
i've always been honest to my blog, writing things as i see them, which obviously is no trouble for me because this is where i rant and rave. but it's not the whole me, not the entire me, and that's where it's misleading. one is so multi-faceted that a blog where i only come in on a whim, occasionally, can hardly begin to capture what and who i am.
u, doc, are pretty decent :-) but me, that little rebellion in me likes to think i'm not.
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