the frustrating thing about life is not knowing the ending. not the final goodbye, which is inevitable, but the endings of certain stories. like whatever happened to certain friends in your distant past. or what happened to certain things that you have misplaced. it's not like a fiction story which has a proper beginning, and a proper ending to tie up loose ends. whether the good guy wins in the end, or the bad guy triumphs, such is the satisfaction of losing oneself in novel. there is an ending.

i was most frustrated for months when things started to disappear. besides being shovelled with all the blame which i had no way to prove one way or the other, it was most frustrating (there is no other word in thesaurus that can substitute frustrating because frustrating is ........well, so frustrating. be prepared to hear this word over and over and over again :-p) to not know what happened. where did the car key go? what happened to the document? where is our wedding tapes? yes. i am someone who can lose my wedding video tapes. so sue me :-p it's frustrating enough without that shocked look on your face, so let's swiftly proceed.

it's not like i'm leaving things in the most inappropriate of places. no phones in the shower cubicle, no wallet in the rice bins and no car keys in the freezer. i don't have alzheimer....yet. i leave them where they should be.....usually. but they disappear. that's the frustration that i am talking about. when you just want to hit your head against the wall because you will never know what ever happened to it. not for your entire lifetime. doesn't that just gnaw at you somewhere?

well, life is usually fair. even for us hardcore cynic. over time, after months of knocking your head on the wall, baring impossible circumstances, things that disappear will turn up .....one day. maybe's it's just me, maybe life likes to play with me like that, but my stories do sometimes have endings. like the document that was slipped between other documents. and like last night, the car key that was found between the gaps of the car seat. and with that my long-lost innocence is uncovered. justice pao would have glowed with pride. i can hear all the ooooooo and ahhhhhhhhh from his court. i can finally discard my scapegoat skin. and yes, i am broadcasting with glee. the satisfaction of having an ending AND having my innocence restored. so that i can rub it in for decades to come. :-p :-p life is sometimes good.

now, i just need to know where the damn video tapes went.