just when you think you know it all, just when you believe you can scatter a few seeds of wisdom to others, you have to go right back to the very first rung of the ladder and begin again. such is life.

i forgot how to eat. i forgot how to drink.

i'm re-learning how to live my life again, from the very basic steps of eating and drinking. something that i've taken for granted that i know from the very moment i took my first breath outside the womb, but over time i've done it all wrong. a basic instinct for survival yet i don't know how to do it, and i'm paying the price now. i know if i don't reject all i know now and learn from scratch all over again, the price will be much dearer years from now.

it's a lifestyle that i've picked up from nobody knows when. i don't know when my clock started to tick faster than others, and time is that much limited for me. i don't know when i started to pour food into my mouth, not stopping to chew, nor waiting for it to cool. it feels like i'm always on a race against time. i don't know when i stopped having time to take a break for a sip of water. i've dispensed with all that i thought were time-consuming.

with a new page everyday, i have to remind and re-remind myself. to be aware of each mouthful i put in. to be aware of every hour that i'm not drinking any water. perhaps the knocking in my heart serves as a reminder. who would have known that the heart is not related to my heart skipping a beat, but my digestive system. i'm abusing my body and i know it. i know it but i suck at it. each meal is a test, each test is a failure. it's harder than i thought to unlearn 40 years of habit.

one day at a time.

one bite at a time.