my world is a quieter place recently. the days go on and the nights rush forward but it is less one warm friendly voice. one familiar friendship made comfortable by decades of interaction. one closeness that cannot easily be replaced.

a friend has moved away. i feel like it is the beginning of the end. we do not share the kind of friendship that sees girls bowing their heads close together in laughters over a secret shared, or chattering non-stop on gossips of others, because neither of us is like that. we do not talk to each other for weeks on end, sometimes months. yet the knowledge that the other is around, a phone call away, is more than comforting; it's assuring, for want of a better word. it's knowing that a friend will always be around. someone who has your back, someone you can trust. sadly, in this time and world, we cannot say that as often as we will like. how many 20-year friendships can you cultivate in a lifetime?

so many times we have spent counting down the hours to the end of the year and the minutes riding up to the new one; what started out as impromptu has turned into a ritual of sort. waiting for the clock to tick to midnight, trying hard to keep awake, initially just the few of us in the dark quiet night has evolved into a small party to say goodbye to an old year and welcome in the new one. spending the last few hours with someone you care about, it brings a glow to the heart and a meaning to the new year. it is saying, 'it's alright that the year has passed so fast, it's ok that i didn't do all the things i said i wanted to, i had a friend with me'.

this year it won't be the same. this year it will be a lot quieter. i don't want to see the same waiting up for midnight, the same counting down, the same street party and not have that friend beside me. i don't want to start the year with sad memories. i will need to be making plans to spend the new year in a new place and a new environment.