looking back, this blog has evolved over the years. from starting out as a curious foray into the mysterious world of blogosphere in 2006 to writing for my readers in 2007, then metamorphosed into  an outlet for my emotions in 2008, and continued simply for the love of writing and the elegance of the written language. now, from 2011 onwards, my blog is for writing so that i will remember my past.

i am making an effort to pen down thoughts and happenings as a blanket of emptiness creep stealthily to cover my past. i am losing memories as fast as i am making new ones. is that normal? to forget both the not so distant past, and also the distant past. i know that to forget the former and not the latter whispers of the symptom of early dementia, but to forget both? is just a sign of brain degeneration? i so badly wanted to ask the doctor that was sitting before me last weekend, but as he was neither looking into my file nor discussing my health, i held back. my memory loss is becoming worse, i acquiesce. there isn't much i remember, except memories that are recounted often over the years. my mother has a better memory than me, and that is speaking volumes since her recollection isn't that hot either. rather than indulge the hypochondriac in me, i believe that i can't remember almost everything because i am tired most times and have a list of to-do's and to-remember that is longer than me from head to toe. so many different things to bear in mind, all happening at different times, different places and different people. even obama has an assistant, several at that.

as i was in the car this morning, it hits me like a tidal wave. something that i have forgotten. a friend that i seldom see was to come to malaysia over the christmas holiday. she wanted to meet up, and we agreed on the date. no...... contrary to what you are thinking, i didn't forget the meeting. i would have written it down on my calendar so there was little chance of that happening. instead, my mother wanted to go to thailand over the christmas break, so i had to break the meeting. i told her i will inform her again if i were to make it. in a twisted turn of events, thailand reported bomb scares so the folks were wondering to go or not to go. perhaps it was this ding dong back and forth. to go. not to go. to go. not to go that made my brain go into overdrive. when they finally decided not to go, i forgot to inform my friend and re-book another day for meeting up. the whole thing totally slipped my mind! only now 2 weeks later, the whole thing suddenly pops into my head from nowhere. and i spent christmas in the most unimpressive, boring and quiet sort of way. it would have been so nice to have met up with her. i can just kick myself in my head with the thickest and heaviest of boots. i didn't even get a little twitch of memory over christmas weekend. it blows my mind how i can totally erase it from my memory then. 

sigh. another page of the life in this cheese-holed brain.