another year

another year older. more regrets. more time wasted. more searching. for what exactly? for my lost soul? for the meaning of life? for the passion that is supposed to grip me so tight that my days will be re-energised and i will jump out of bed everyday? i'm no longer 21. or even 30. what do i want from life? i still don't have the answers. will we be able to find our answer at the end of our days, or will we realise that this is all there is. what do i want? what do i like? what makes me tingle?

i'm a very simple person, with the most basic of needs. i need human interaction. or how should i put it? not just any human interaction. some drains me. i was talking to someone this morning who plainly drained all my energy. simply because her insincerity blankets everything she says or do. she talks, but she doesn't listen. she doesn't even hear. to see the two at action, it's like a battle of the words. one is talking about something and the other something else totally different. and not just simple short sentences at that; each launching into their own long tales, pulling every cell of your body poles apart with the calling of their voices. everybody's talking, no one's listening. what a din you can imagine it is, regardless of the volume of the conversation, if you can call it that.

most days i find myself yearning to reach out to another soul. sadly, there isn't any that will listen with the purest of heart. one with no agenda. one with an open ear and a friendly shoulder. i need inspiration, i need warmth, i need friendship and i need love. not that of a man and a woman but love for everything and everyone. but life is so ugly and human is so ugly. it drains me so.