friendship

a friend i have lost. and sometimes i wonder, is it another that i have found? eventhough we have been friends since primary 5, more than 20 years ago, i don't think of him as more than an acquaintance. if we were to sit down, i doubt we have much to talk about. definitely not that which is closest and deepest in our hearts. such is the distance that has come between us. once we have been very close but i guess as with all friendship, we have to work hard merely to maintain it. life and everything else just got it the way and neither of us bothered.

anyway, when i lost my friend so suddenly, his first reaction was to ask me how i was. i don't know how he knew (that her death will mean so much to me) or was it because he never knew (that she and i never had a chance to be closer). i was hit bad, and it was touching that someone knew. someone asked.

life is weird like that. for the second time in my life, sympathy wasn't forthcoming where you wanted it, where you expected it. someone somewhere, when you were least expecting it, hands you a life line and tells you that you are not alone. is it real or just a mirage in my dire thirst for empathy and warmth, frankly i don't care. even if i'm imagining the sentiment behind it, i'll still continue forth deluding myself......because i need it.