another 365

yet another year. another 365 says without hearing her voice. that familiar sound calling me bitch, in the most endearing way that only she could with a profanity.

time past so fast, but perhaps not so for those closest to her. last year her father gave me hope. i saw in my mind's eye her slowly talking to me and acknowledging my presence the next time i visit. but 365 says later there she still lies, sometimes tensing her limbs and shaking uncontrollably, as if in frustration at being unable to verbally interact with us.

i look at her and i have so much i want to tell her. what exactly? my mind draws a blank. why is it that i have this pressing feeling of having so much to say to her.....but not knowing what is it that i really have to tell? i just know that i miss her so much and i just want to talk to her.

this year isn't the best of years. another close friend has been taken away. perhaps not the closest but still she was a bright star in my life. someone who had brought a smile to my lips many times, someone different from others and someone who had meant something to me. i'm still trying to get use to the vacuum she left behind, to her absence from now and ever after. the only way i've learnt to handle all this sadness in my life is to put it in an air-tight box and hide it in a deep dark corner of my heart, never to take it out, never to look at it. sometimes something will remind me of my loss and like today, the emotion overcomes me and blanket me with sadness. but tomorrow, i will return it back into the box and keep it in that dark corner again and i will be alright again.