lost

why is it that i seem to have lost the endless flow of words, sometimes romantic in its eloquence, sometimes melancholic in its depths? my fingers hover uncertainly over the keyboard, words stutter as they form in my brain. i am now no longer able to write as beautifully as before, perhaps because i have ceased to reflect. what good has come of the moaning, the whining, the stopping in my track and turning back.....life pays no attention. i can be happy, ecstatic even. i can be miserable, unsure and self-questioning. life doesn't even blink an eye. i've thought it best to just rush headlong into life, throwing myself at her....or is it him.....and just living in the moment. i don't dare to look back. my heart hurts at all the people who has left me behind. the hardest part of growing old..er is trying to accept the fact that some people are no longer in your life. the mourning for the living is as deep as for the dead. i don't dare to look into the future, i know what's waiting for me and i grow cold at the thought. i live in the present.