is it me or it is them?

what is it with singapore and friendships? this is the third friend that i am losing to that little dot down south. is it the island or is it me? does it have a bermuda triangle-like emanation that cuts off all communication along with melancholic whim of affection?

friendships are so hard to come by, what more good ones. the older i get the more they are slipping through my fingers. friendships build over a long period of time, trust built over layers of communication. when i look at what they have given up, without so much as the bat of an eye, all our history and past, i feel the tugging at my heart. but i am the only one mourning. for what then? if it is only one-sided, was there ever a friendship in place? why do they not feel this way, i ask myself so many times.

it's not the distance, what with modern technology like facebook, twitter, whatsapp and whatever. there are more choices to ignore people by now as compared to the snail mail days. and yet the friendships survived the golden age. perhaps it's because of these vast modern distractions that people no longer feel the need to connect, to reach out and touch each other anymore. who needs friendship, i have a 24 hour idiot-entertainment-box.

i've wondered so many times that it's like a broken record in my head. is it me? what is wrong with me? is there something wrong with the core of my very being. am i not enough of a friend? or am i a dinosaur who treasures friendship amongst the space-age inhabitants?

i feel like shouting, i feel like screaming, i feel like taking a cast iron pan and knocking them on their head. hey! what happened to our friendship?, i want to yell. why do i not matter to you anymore? remember the times we talked? remember the laughter we shared? my fingers are itching to reach out and ask them why. with just a few taps of the keyboard, it won't be a weight at the bottom of my heart anymore. but what is the point? what will their answer matter? for whatever reason they have given up on our friendships, that friendship has now dissipated into thin air and carried away by the wind.