ohtoke

last sunday was the first time i have lost my son, in his 10 years of life. just thinking about it brings a very sour feeling to the very core of my being.

i did not even realise when he was missing. the little one has a very bad habit of walking a distance away when he is throwing his tantrum, not wanting to take our hands and shrugging us off to show he is displeased. if we slow down our steps, he will slow down his. we have since learnt to let him be and give him some space, and when he has cooled down everything will return to normal again. last sunday, he was, as usual, angry for some small reason and walked a few steps behind us. we turned our heads every so often to see if he was keeping up. we wandered from shops to shops, window-shopping to pass time. we were looking at some CDs when daughter realised that the little one was not in the shop. i wasn't particularly worried for some reason, believing that he was hiding in some corner and still sulking. however, he was no where to be found. we walked out of the shop to return to the previous one when we saw the little one walking towards us behind a guard and in tears. only on seeing him cry did i realise that he was lost, and had been for some time, only without us being aware of it.

the little one has been walking up and down the row of shops looking for us, not knowing that we have just stepped to the next shop. growing desperate and frightened, he had looked for the security guard to help him find his parents. unfortunately i greeted his tears with severe reprimand. poor little one, shaking with fear, and mother still scolding the daylights out of him, in between hugs and comforting. i had to make him understand that his wilfulness and his stubbornness had finally gotten him in trouble. we have told him time and time again to stay close but he did not want to listen. children. they have to experience it personally before they will heed your advice. woe are the parents who have to see them burn themselves in the process.